Friday, September 2, 2011

Friday Freakshow Roundup: Men, Melanin, and Misbehaving

In the political news system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the Republicans who do insane things, and this blogger who mocks them. These are their stories:
  • I realize that I've spent a lot of time over the last several weeks focusing on Rick Perry, and I just wanted to clarify that it's not because I'm worried about him being the nominee but rather that he just makes himself such an easy target.  The reason I'm not actually scared of him is because in his past he's supported things like recognizing that disease recognizes no borders and that in order to keep everyone healthy we need a bi-national healthcare plan with Mexico.  It's that kind of sane, reasoned policy that is going to kill him with the One World Government fearing, xenophobic Tea Party base, and apparently Chuck Norris, long before any of the crazy stuff I'm about to mock him for does (and don't worry, before you think you'd have to like Perry for something, he's already reversed himself on the giving Mexicans access to doctors thing).  First there's the low grade corruption of being tied to DeLay's Redistricting Scandal through major backers, but he's a Texas Republican so that basically comes with the territory.  No big deal.  How about sealing all of his travel and expense records until after the election while also illegally deleting all of his staff email correspondence? Entertained Organizer, you say, what could he possibly be hiding except how he managed to become a millionaire while serving in government?  Nah, that's not as crazy as we've come to expect from Rick Perry.  Now throwing out the First Amendment so that he can pursue unconstitutional anti-choice legislation to force doctors to intimidate women, that's a little more like it.  Then of course there's his call to set aside civilian government and just have the military set US policy, that's not troubling from a guy who's also for secession.  But I think my favorite still has to be Rick Perry using the same non-denial denials that he's gay formerly used by noted straight Republicans Ken Mehlman and Larry Craig....right before they admitted they were gay.
  • I wouldn't want to give you the impression that Republicans are only bigoted against gay people, which is why I'll point out that this week Arizona's Republican Attorney General filed a lawsuit to overturn parts of the Voting Rights Act, because having someone check to see if you're denying minorities the right to vote really makes it more difficult to deny minorities the right to vote.  Michele Bachmann attacked the problem of people of color being able to vote from a different angle, pledging to overturn the 14th amendment and it's guarantee that regardless of race, citizens get to vote.  Glenn Beck merely questioned why it's bad to call African Americans "coloreds" while Rush Limbaugh explained that Colin Powell's support of Obama is based purely on the fact that "melanin is thicker than water", and not the fact that Obama succeeded in killing Osama bin Laden and bringing about regime change in a Middle East country without embroiling America in a decade long land war.  Meanwhile everyone's favorite racist grandpa Pat Buchanan used the scientific method of scouring obituaries to decide too many white people were dying in our wars, and then wondered where the affirmative action for white males was (hint: it's called being a white male).
  • Finally, I've been pretty quiet on the whole NewsCorp scandal.  Not because I haven't been following it, but because I've been waiting for the inevitable first crack to appear in Fox News armor and show that they too are bribing cops and spying on citizens like their British counterparts.  So what could be better than it coming out that Bill O'Reilly has been paying the local police to be his own private detectives opening the doors to an investigation of Fox?  That O'Reilly has been paying them to spy on the man whose been cuckolding him.
That's it for today, but you can join me tomorrow for the Leftovers.  And don't forget to tune in next Wednesday (9/7) at 5PM Pacific/8PM Eastern when I'll be liveblogging the Republican Debate at the Reagan Library on MSNBC.

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