Closeted Countdown: New Year's Roundup

In this very special New Year's edition of the Closeted Countdown, we take a moment to reflect and look back at all the homophobic Republicans who have been outed as gay over the past year.

Now I've only been writing the Closeted Countdown for three months, but in that time 4 Republicans have been outed, these are their stories:

• The first was John Smid the founder of the oldest "Ex-Gay" Ministry in the country.  And his case is really the poster child for why I write the Closeted Countdown.  It is not to mock them, or even out of some sense of schadenfreude, but rather because once out of the closet they change.  John Smid now argues for gay rights in the evangelical community.

• Republican former Arapohoe County Sheriff Patrick Sullivan got caught trading meth for gay prostitutes and now lives in the County Jail that bears his name.

• New Jersey Mayor Chris Myers got caught hiring a gay prostitute and has since resigned.

• Tennessee Mayor Greg Davis got caught using City funds to buy sex toys from a Canadian Adult Superstore for gay men.  He's currently riding out the scandal.

Now so far we've been averaging one outed elected official or Religious Right leader every 3 weeks, which would suggest that in 2012 we should get another 17-18.  But it's an election year and I'm feeling lucky, so I'm betting on 25.  Your guesses for both the number and highest office held in 2012 in the comments.  Closest guess gets a prize next year.

Love Lessons with Lois Lane: The Ugly Superman!

In much of the civilized world, Saturday night is date night. And everything I know about dating I learned from Lois Lane. So before heading out for the night, let's see what advice she has for us this week:

Sometimes it's a good idea to try dating outside your "type", otherwise you might end up with....well an ugly wrestler in a Superman costume.

"Family" Hypocrisy, Healthcare, and Why it Sucks to Be Rick Perry

He-Man Woman Hater's Club Report

With classism, racism, and homophobia already in the mix, why wouldn't the GOP add in some sexism too:

• Because there are no bigger issues threatening the American family (like say hunger or lack of healthcare) they've decided to go after "fornication" and adultery in an attempt to make both against the law.  In completely unrelated news, their founder endorsed serial adulterer Newt Gingrich for President.

• In an effort to appeal to those hypocritical bigots, Michele Bachmann has tried to explain that her biblical duty to be subservient to her husband, while important, doesn't extend to giving him the nuclear launch codes.  Look, I can think of literally hundreds of reasons that Michele Bachmann should never be President (not least her obvious insanity, terrifying foreign policy, or that she thinks that "the number one way we'll advance the cause of life" is by repealing universal healthcare) but the fact that she's a woman isn't one of them.  Unless of course you're a member of the Religious Right, then it's the only one that matters.

• Speaking of healthcare, Fox News doesn't see "any benefit" in keeping mercury away from pregnant women and babies.  It's just more unnecessary government regulation.  Meanwhile beleaguered Governor Scott Walker has decided the best way to make his state love him again is to go after the funding for Free Cancer Screenings for Women.  Presumably because he thinks people like women getting cancer?

• Rick Perry has changed his mind and now opposes abortion even in cases of rape, incest, or when the mother's life is in danger.  Rick Perry has pledged to defy the Constitution and ignore the Supreme Court if they overturn anti-abortion laws.  And according to EMILY's List, Rick Perry is still somehow the least offensive Republican Presidential candidate when it comes to Women's Issues.  Let's all just take a minute and think about that.

Happy New Years Everyone!

Friday Freakshow Roundup: Ron Paul, Michele Bachmann, and Stupid Moves

In the political news system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the Republicans who do insane things, and this blogger who mocks them. These are their stories:

• So a lot of people are making a big deal out of the fact that Ron Paul is doing really well in the polls even though only one web ad has been made attacking him, so here's a reminder.  Ron Paul stormed out of an interview earlier this week when asked about the racist newsletters published under his name, denying he wrote them.  Ron Paul has since moved on to claiming that he did write the newsletters, but not the racist parts.  Keep in mind that the non-racist parts of the newsletter is mostly stuff like claiming the Trilateral Commission is secretly running the world.  They're so crazy that even libertarians are admitting they're a problem.  And his foreign policy is so outside the mainstream that he wouldn't have given the kill order against Osama Bin Laden.  And these are the news stories about him from this week.  If Iowa voters are actually dumb enough to give him a win, they'll force me to actually write a real post about how truly insane he is.

• Speaking of Ron Paul and truly insane Presidential candidates, Michele Bachmann has been having a bad week.  First her Iowa Campaign Chairman quit and endorsed Ron Paul (and let's not overlook that this guy endorsed first Bachmann and then Paul and is somehow a State Senator).  Then after she claimed that he'd been bought off by Paul's campaign, her National Political Director quit in a sign of protest/solidarity with the Ron Paul guy.  So now her Presidential campaign is pretty much her sitting alone on a bus ranting about how Google and Facebook are secretly conspiring against her.

• Meanwhile, while it's still unclear if Ron Paul is buying endorsements, there's no question that Rick Santorum is. 

• Oh, and Scott Walker is now trying to take credit for "saving" funding for the elderly....after he was the one to cut it in the first place....and then the federal government had to order him not to.  Which is probably not what you want the headline to be when you're facing a recall election.

Happy Freakshow New Years Everyone!

Hostess Snack Break: Batman and Twinkieless Gotham City

Everyone needs a break sometimes, so why don't you enjoy this one with one of your favorite superheroes and one of your favorite Hostess snack treats:

There is a definite theme in these ads of Twinkies being more addictive than heroin.

Huntsman Puts Out First Anti Ron Paul Ad of the Cycle

And this is why people need to stop pretending that Ron Paul has some actual chance of winning the Republican nomination.  He's a racist and a conspiracy nut and has left a paper trail:

Also I kind of feel bad for Jon Huntsman that he actually needs to do this because he's losing to Paul in New Hampshire.

Add Jeopardy to the List of Things Rick Perry Doesn't Understand

I don't know which is sadder, that Rick Perry thinks he needs to attack Rick Santorum or that in a Jeopardy parody his campaign forgot that you're supposed to give the answer in the form of a question:

Published as a Public Service Announcement: What's Your BQ?

It's the last week of the year, and that makes it a good time to look in and evaluate yourself as a person.  And comic books are here to help, so take this test to find out if you're a racist:

Closeted Countdown: Christmas Apologies andRepublican Honesty

I've long believed that the only thing that could motivate someone to dedicate their lives to homophobia is deep self-loathing. So start the countdown timer until these folks get caught with a gay prostitute:

• (Now) former Minnesota Majority Leader Amy Koch (R) was just forced to resign her leadership position over an affair she was having with a staffer.  But why is this story in the countdown if her lover wasn't a woman?  Because the Minnesota gay community has a belated Christmas gift for us all in the form of a letter (click the link for the whole letter but this is my favorite part):

We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love have cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry. And we are doubly remorseful in knowing that many will see this as a form of sexual harassment of a subordinate. 

It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of "adultery."

• And now we have a question of who is more brutally honest, Newt Gingrich for telling a gay man he'd be better off voting for Obama or Gay Republican groups which are urging the LGBT community to ignore the remarks since Gay Republican groups don't actually prioritize LGBT Rights?  I know, it's a tough one.

This edition of the Countdown is a short one, but tune in tomorrow for a very special 2011 Closeted Countdown New Years Roundup Edition!

A Merry Christmas Video from Newt Hampshire

There are bad political ads.  Then there are really bad political ads.  Then there's this:

(Just to note, this ad really was released by the Gingrich campaign, who then took it down.)

Wit of the Web Slinger Wednesday: Your Word

Contrary to what Toby Maguire would have you believe, Spider-Man is supposed to be funny, or at least making inappropriate jokes. So lets return to a simpler time:

Ok, so maybe it's just me, but I'm pretty sure there are a lot of things that "you can keep and give to someone."  So put other answers that work in the comments.

Republican Racism Review: Crackheads, Boycotts, and Civil Rights

Real button handed out at the 2008
Texas Republican State Convention

If you start keeping your eyes open for them, there are a terrifying number of news stories about Republicans being racist:

• So admittedly, Chris Matthews saying that Newt Gingrich looks like "a car bomber" is pretty weird.  Mostly because everyone knows he looks like the living avatar of Ego.  But how does Fox News handle it? Call President Obama a "skinny, ghetto crackhead."

• The National Hispanic Media Coalition have officially formed a boycott against the advertisers of The John and Ken Show, which if you've been reading the blog you know has been a long time coming.  So don't shop with any of these people and let them know why.

• Now sure a Latino veteran was tasered to death in one of Sheriff Joe Arpaio's jails for no apparent reason, but good ol'Sheriff Joe has identified the real civil rights violations: "We don't go after anybody.  Actually, they go after me. They're demonstrating in front of my building, calling me every kind of name. If you want to talk about civil-rights violations, what about that?"  Of course talking about that, it would of course be First Amendment protected right to assemble and protest the government.  Then again, why does it not surprise me that Sheriff Joe didn't know that?

Happy New Years!

West Wing Wednesday

Crimes of Santa Klaus

From the Journal of Santa Klaus

December 26, 2011

My work eez done, it eez time for sleep.  I vill return next Christmas to punish zee naughty.

Merry Christmas!

Love Lessons with Lois Lane: The Girl Who Stole Superman's Heart!

In much of the civilized world, Saturday night is date night. And everything I know about dating I learned from Lois Lane. So before heading out for the night, let's see what advice she has for us this week:

Everyone has a past, and if you obsess about it you could ruin a good thing and do something crazy (more on that later).

SciFi Friday: This is Only Mildly Related to "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians"

The 1950s promised us a future filled with robot butlers, rocket packs, and beautiful alien princesses. So far scientists have delivered on absolutely none of those promises. But they have given us some other pretty cool stuff, so for the (other) geeks home on a Friday night, here's some pretty cool real scientific breakthroughs:

• ESP proponents have come up with a fairly airtight argument for why scientific tests haven't been able to find any evidence of ESP existing: the scientists have been using their ESP to suppress the ESP of the people they're testing.  Logic your way out of that Science!

• The British are working on lasers that can temporarily blind people for crowd control purposes.  Which couldn't possibly go wrong.

• Meanwhile the Air Force is continuing to work on making artificial spider silk.  So that's cool

As always, your random geeky news in the comments!

Friday Freakshow Roundup: Presidential Candidates, Nazi References, and Conspiracy Theories

In the political news system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the Republicans who do insane things, and this blogger who mocks them. These are their stories:

• So maybe Rick Perry doesn't actually know what Kim Jong Il's name is, and maybe he thinks that Herman Cain is qualified to be the Secretary of Defense, but you shouldn't call him stupid.  After all, a stupid person wouldn't figure out how to game the retirement system to bilk the state of Texas out of $100,000 a year while still serving as Governor.  Only a corrupt person would do that.

• Michele Bachman said this week that "this is our last election, our last exit ramp" to a group of Tea Party supporters.  I'll leave it to you decide if it's a conspiracy theory about the end of the country or a suicide threat.  What does it say that the second would be less crazy?

• It's tough to be Mitt Romney.  His business experience is starting to become a liability (who knew in the middle of a recession that no one likes the guy who made millions of dollars firing people). When he scores a big endorsement, they go and do something like praising him for “He helped create health-care reform in Massachusetts that is strikingly similar to the much-derided ‘Obamacare,’ for example.”  And explaining that the only reason he's flip flopped on every major issue is that before he was trying to convince liberals to like him and now he wants conservatives to like him, just doesn't quite inspire trust.

• Of course then you've got Newt Gingrich who wants to just start using the US Marshals to round up all the judges he disagrees with and put them on trial.  What his plan is when the judges appeal this unconstitutional power grab to the Supreme Court is anyone's guess.

• Rep. Allen West has decided that Christmas is as good a time as any to proclaim to the world that "if Joseph Goebbels was around, he'd be very proud of the Democrat Party." But "don't start taking my words and twisting it around" to make it sound like he's calling the Democrats Nazis.  Because that would be making up "some crazy story."

• The founder of the Tea Party Patriots, the largest Tea Party group in the country, has been arrested for trying to bring a semiautomatic weapon onto an airplane.  Which I'm sure plays right into Obama's hands if the NRA and the Republicans who agree with them have anything to say about it.

Happy Holidays!

Published as a Public Service Announcement: Superboy talks about..."The Holiday Spirit!"

Closeted Countdown: Nazis, Priests, and Restarting the Countdown

I've long believed that the only thing that could motivate someone to dedicate their lives to homophobia is deep self-loathing. So start the countdown timer until these folks get caught with a gay prostitute:

• "Ex-Gay" Leader Joe Dallas believes that it's wrong for Christians to treat gay people like they're human, more specifically, "And as you know, if you took the Bible hard enough you could make it say whatever you want it to, cults can do that, Nazis did that and I’m afraid it’s being done today under the guise of civil rights and gay liberation."  Then again, the entire "Ex-Gay" movement is literally deeply self-loathing closeted gays, so it almost feels like cheating to put them on the Countdown.

• A Georgia graduate student just got taught that you can't waive your 'faith' around like a magical shield that keeps you from having to play by the same rules as everybody else.  Specifically, that if you refuse to take required counseling classes about how to help gay people, you do not get to get a degree in counseling.

• Never let it be said that the American Family Association changes with the times as not only are they still railing against the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, but they're also using the same bigoted convoluted logic that only works if DADT were still the law of the land: "Every homosexual represents a heightened security risk."  Why?  Because they could conceivably be blackmailed about being gay....because if the military found out they'd be court-martialed....except we got rid of DADT....

• Newt Gingrich thinks that being gay is a choice just like priests choosing to be celibate is a choice, so they should just repress their sexuality and either pretend to be straight or be celibate.  You know, because repressing sexuality has worked out so well for priests.

•  Mitt Romney has announced that he has a "three tier system of marriage" where straight people get married, gay people who are already married stay married, and all the other gay couples can get civil unions or something.  Because that isn't confusing and separate but equal has always worked before.

• Finally, Conservative family values Southhaven, Tennessee Mayor Greg Davis has come out as gay after an investigation into whether he was misappropriating city money uncovered the fact that  he was using taxpayer money to buy fancy dinners, bbq supplies, and sex toys from "Canada's premiere gay lifestyle store an sex shop."

So reset the Countdown and tune in next week for a very special New Years Edition of the Closeted Countdown.

Wit of the Web Slinger Wednesday: Fly Swatter

Contrary to what Toby Maguire would have you believe, Spider-Man is supposed to be funny, or at least making inappropriate jokes. So lets return to a simpler time:

"The internet will never replace newspapers, have you ever tried to swat a fly with an iPad?"

Republican Racism Review: Illegal Detentions, Swimming Pools, and Assassination Threats

Real button handed out at the 2008
Texas Republican State Convention

If you start keeping your eyes open for them, there are a terrifying number of news stories about Republicans being racist:

• In our zeal to arrest and expel undocumented immigrants, thousands of American citizens have been illegally detained.  But it's ok, Fox News' Eric Bolling what you to know that "it is not racist to profile, absolutely not."  He and I may disagree on that, but can we least agree it's not effective?

• On a list of things not to do in 2011 putting up a sign on your apartment buildings swimming pool saying "Whites Only" is probably pretty high up there, and then refusing to apologize for it because you say "I have to stick up for my white rights" pretty much puts you over the top.

• Los Angeles Tea Party leader and candidate Jules Manson is publicly calling for the assassination of Obama and his children on Facebook, so that's pretty messed up:

And I think that's enough racism for this week.

West Wing Wednesday

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Voting Rights Violators: Evidence? Who Needs Evidence? Edition

In 46 weeks we go to the polls again to reelect President Obama. Republicans know that they aren't going to gain the support of the American people, so instead they're going to strip them of the right to vote:

• What's the single best way to know that you should question whether something makes any sense at all? Have a Fox News correspondent say it "seems quite logical."  So lets look at the facts on voter fraud.

• The Republican National Lawyers Association has gone on the offense declaring that 46 States Have Prosecuted Voter Fraud (in the last 15 years).  Only problem? After extensive research they've only been able to find 311 potential cases of voter fraud in the country over the last 15 years, none of which could have changed the outcome of an election.  Which logically precipitates the RNC Chairman Rince Priebus to claim that we are "riddled with voter fraud," Rush Limbaugh to proclaim that Democrats "can't win unless there is vote fraud," and the Pennsylvania GOP to push for voter ID laws that could disenfranchise thousands in their state even though they admit they "lack proof of voter fraud."

• Oh, and I guess just so Pennsylvania doesn't feel lonely, Virginia Republicans are going to be pursuing stricter voter ID laws too.

• Finally, Republican Senator Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has come out against the National Popular Vote Interstate Compact (which would guarantee that the Presidential candidate who won the popular vote would also win the electoral college) saying that it is a "genuine threat to our country."  Which let's face it, is a pretty strong endorsement that it's probably needed.

Hostess Snack Break: Hawkman in Concerts and Cupcakes

Everyone needs a break sometimes, so why don't you enjoy this one with one of your favorite superheroes and one of your favorite Hostess snack treats:

Which is more confusing, that Hawkman apparently has thousands of birds just waiting to pelt a crowd of people with Hostess Cupcakes or this actually succeeds in making them feel better about their concert being cancelled.

Terrific Tuesday Tidings: Christmas Cheer

It's Tuesday and that means it's time for my ongoing quest to become a more positive person. Here are the news stories that made me happy this week:

• With two weeks to go until the Iowa caucus, who is the most organized candidate?  Barack Obama.

• The American Federation of Government Employees has launched the "Explain It To Me GOP" campaign to call out Republicans for dragging their feet on a tax cut for the middle class.

• Speaking of unions, while there aren't many in Charlotte, North Carolina, they're getting a boost from being the host city for the Democratic National Convention this summer.

• And I know it's a cheap (well relatively) shot, but I still enjoy the DNC's latest attack on how out of touch Mitt Romney is:

Frontline of the Class War: Conservatives Getting into the Holiday Spirit

The Republicans are right, there is a class war going on in this country. And they're the ones waging it against the middle and working class:

• This holiday season Rush Limbaugh wants you to know that starving children are "wanton little waifs and serfs dependent on the State."  Of course that's still probably better than Rick Santorum who wants to know why "If hunger is a problem in America, then why do we have an obesity problem among the people who we say have a hunger program?"  In case any of you are actually unsure of the answer, it's because healthy and nutritious foods are actually more expensive than unhealthy foods.  Shocking.

• Speaking of Christmas presents, Newt Gingrich's tax plan would permanently lock the rich into a lower tax bracket than the middle class.  Then again, Rick Perry's plan would actually raise taxes on the poor while the rich would pay nothing.  And Mitt Romney admits that he's been lying about the Obama administration's regulations, but that's not going to stop him from repeating his false claims.

• And remember, while the Consumer Protection Bureau may save thousands of children's lives every year by catching lead lined toys and other pleasantries, Senator Lindsey Graham wants you to know that it's actually "something out of the Stalinist Era."  After all, Stalin is best known for all the children he saved or something.

• Majority Leader Eric Cantor put the breaks on a bill that would put a stop to the practice of Congressional insider trading, so Merry Christmas to corrupt Members of Congress.

• Republican Senator Ron Johnson believes that a "good worker" doesn't remain working at the minimum wage for long and we should "trust him on that".  Pity pesky little things like facts always get in the way of Republicans Randian fantasies.

• Kudos to whoever first spots what's wrong with this Fox News graphic about the unemployment rate in the comments:

Welcome to the Working Week!

Monday Makeover Santa Klaus

There are no bad characters, just characters that no one has spent far too much time thinking about how to make work. I intend to fix that.

The man known as Santa Klaus first appeared in 2001's Batman #596.  His supervillain moniker came from the fact he has a strong German accents and dresses like Santa Claus and every Christmas attempts to punish the naughty.  And really that's pretty much it when it comes to Santa Klaus, besides the rumors that he actually has psychic powers to allow him to know who's been "naughty or nice."  Other than that he was created during the Joker's Last Laugh crossover event in which the Joker, believing himself to be terminally ill, decides to go out with a bang and drive all the other villains (even more) insane.  Santa Klaus runs around handing out bombs to shoppers and attempts to blow up everyone at the official Gotham City Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony before being stopped by Batman.

I'm going to confess that I've been looking forward to writing a Monday Makeover of Santa Klaus ever since I started writing these columns, because Santa Klaus captures part of the spirit of why comics are fun to begin with.  No, comic books shouldn't always be funny, silly, or zany (and nowadays they usually aren't), but if you're going to do a Christmas issue with Batman, why not have him fight a psychopathic Santa with an accent.  It just feels right.  Maybe Santa Klaus isn't the greatest villain, and maybe there are only a limited number of stories that can be told with him, but once a year he deserves to come out and play.

Happy Holidays from the Entertained Organizer!

Which Looney Tunes Characters are the Republican Candidates?

If you've been reading the blog for a while (and even if you haven't) it's pretty clear that all the Republican candidates for President are jokes.  But I think they should at least be funny ones, so without further ado, which Looney Tunes character best fits each candidate:

Michele Bachmann is...
She rabidly froths at the mouth while mumbling incoherently and destroys anything she touches.

...The Tasmanian Devil

Rick Santorum is...

He is obsessed with an 'unnatural' union that he compares to a marriage between different species.

...Pepe Le Pew

Jon Huntsman is...

He might actually be an exciting candidate if anyone ever actually paid any attention to him.

...Michigan J. Frog

Rick Perry is...

He hates education and has a thick texan drawl.

...Foghorn Leghorn

Ron Paul is...

He is always scheming and paranoid.

...Sylvester the Cat

Newt Gingrich is...

He's megalomaniacal with an odd fetish for space travel.

...Marvin the Martian

Mitt Romney is...

He's dedicated his entire life to the single minded pursuit of one goal, no matter the personal cost or humiliation.

...Wile E. Coyote

Give me your picks (or simply favorite Looney Tunes clips) in the comments!

Love Lessons with Lois Lane: Convict

In much of the civilized world, Saturday night is date night. And everything I know about dating I learned from Lois Lane. So before heading out for the night, let's see what advice she has for us this week:

Secrets can be harmful in a relationship, especially when your significant other has a tendency to throw people in jail for having secrets.

This Time Newt Really Means It, Where are Romney's Women, and Other Depressing Sexism

He-Man Woman Hater's Club Report

With classism, racism, and homophobia already in the mix, why wouldn't the GOP add in some sexism too:

• Newt Gingrich didn't mean it when he pledged not to cheat on his first two wives, and hell he probably didn't mean it when he pledged not to cheat on his third wife, but he wants the voters of Iowa to know he means it this time when he promises them he won't cheat on his wife.

• The (Republican) Governor of South Dakota, Dennis Daugaard,  is asking for an additional million dollars to defend the state's law requiring a 3 day waiting period to get an abortion (keep in mind South Dakota only requires a 2 day waiting period to buy a handgun).  If a million doesn't sound too high, keep in mind that that's more than the population of the state, and when they inevitably lose in court, the state will also have to pay Planned Parenthood's legal fees as well.

• While the fact that Mitt Romney doesn't like the ladies as much as Newt Gingrich (and who does) has certainly helped him in the Presidential Primary, it's still pretty troubling that on his list of 40 potential delegates and alternates, there are only 9 women.

• Ohio's so called "heartbeat" anti-abortion bill (because it would ban all abortions after a heartbeat could be detected unless the mother's life is in danger) is going to get women killed.  It essentially bans all abortions after the first 6 weeks (which means there are going to be a lot of women who didn't even know they were pregnant before it becomes illegal for them to do anything about it), and so even if a woman's doctor knows that her life will be endangered by the pregnancy, she'll have to wait until the threat of death is imminent before her doctor can perform a life saving operation.  But hey, why should a woman have any say in what life saving operations she has, there's a Right to Life movement after all.

• And just in case you think that sexism is magically going to go away in the next generation, don't worry, a University of Vermont fraternity just got shut down for passing out a survey to it's members asking "If you could rape someone, who would it be?"  So, sadly, I don't think I'm going to be running out of things to write about anytime soon.

Friday Freakshow Roundup: Conspiracies, Witches, and Solid Blocks of Cheese

In the political news system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the Republicans who do insane things, and this blogger who mocks them. These are their stories:

• Unsurprisingly really, there are a lot of conspiracy theories swirling around President Obama,  but I think I've found my new favorite.  The CEO of the NRA believes that the reason Obama has done absolutely nothing on gun control issues is to lull the country into a false sense of security so that the second he gets reelected he can take all the guns away.  That level of paranoia would be funny, except for the fact that the CEO of the NRA probably owns a gun...

• Then again, Bill O'Reilly thinks that it's unfair to bring up the military health benefits as an example of government run healthcare because "the military is not civilian controlled."  So we went through the looking glass a while ago.

• So I may have called it a while ago, but Herman Cain has already been hired to do debate analysis by Fox News.

• I don't know which is sadder, that Michele Bachmann put together this video explaining why "Teavangelicals" are going to drag her to victory in Iowa, or that "Teavangelicals" are actually a real thing that has serious power in the Republican Party.

• I wasn't sure why the Romney campaign would crow about getting the endorsement of Christine "I am not a witch" O'Donnell, and I'm still not when her endorsement comes with statements like "that's one of the things I've liked about him is he's been consistent since he changed his mind."

• Then again when one of his opponents is Rick Perry who's actually claiming that he's not a complete idiot, just that he needs a nap so that he doesn't SEEM LIKE a complete idiot, O'Donnell doesn't seem so dumb.  And how is that in any way comforting?  'I'm prepared to lead the free world, just hope nothing bad happens when I haven't gotten a full night's sleep or I might accidentally nuke one of the Dakotas?'  But maybe I'm being too hard, maybe Perry can use this 'sleep deprivation' excuse to explain away all of his terrible ideas, maybe he doesn't really believe that we need a constitutional amendment to allow prayer in schools.  If he just gets enough sleep maybe it'll turn out that he's a genius running to the left of Barack Obama.

• Fox News, always the source of intelligent questions, asks, "is it appropriate" for the President to speak to the troops since he's ending the war in Iraq?  Because I too often wonder if it's appropriate for the Commander in Chief to address soldiers.  Oh no wait, I don't, because that's insane.

• Speaking of insane, Rick Santorum thinks that "science should get out of politics" because things like facts keep getting in the way of him being right about anything.  Then again this is the same Rick Santorum who declared that he's a "solid block of cheese," so maybe he has bigger problems.  Like melting.

• Finally as always, it's time for your Taiwanese Animated News update:

Liveblogging the Fox News/Iowa Republican Party Presidential Debate

Tonight's debate begins at 9PM EST / 6PM PST on Fox News (or streaming at http://live.foxnews.com/).  It features all the usual suspects (Bachmann, Gingrich, Huntsman, Paul, Perry, Romney, and Santorum) and is all of their last chance to really influence the narrative of the campaign before everything shuts down for Christmas next week and doesn't start back up until the Iowa Caucus on January 3rd.  Watch as Romney desperately tries to scramble his way back into frontrunner status!  Be Dazzled as Bachmann tries to get any momentum going into Iowa!  Find out if Gingrich can keep his temper in check and coast into the nomination!  All that and more in tonight's debate, and I'll be giving you the play by play right here:

Published as a Public Service Announcement: Superboy says "Share with Others!"

Sharing is caring, and this is a good lesson, but Superboy can make diamonds by squeezing a lump of coal.  But hey let's just give war ravaged kids shoe laces because we don't have any money.

Closeted Countdown: Illegal Flirting and Why Utah and Canadians are Bad

I've long believed that the only thing that could motivate someone to dedicate their lives to homophobia is deep self-loathing. So start the countdown timer until these folks get caught with a gay prostitute:

• Michigan cops have begun undercover stings to arrest gay men for flirting with each other in parks. or as the seriously awesome Rev. Bill Freeman put it “There is no money changing hands, so this isn’t prostitution, we’re talking about two consenting adults who are trying to hook up together and if one of them is an undercover officer and the only thing one of them has done is say, ‘Let’s get together someplace,’ I don’t see the problem. They’re making it a problem because they’re targeting gays.”

• I'm starting to think there may not actually be enough gay prostitutes in the world for the size of the scandal that will almost inevitably engulf Rick Santorum someday:

• A Utah Middle School is in trouble for intentionally outing a gay student to his parents against his will.  Not for nothing but homophobic parents have beaten their kids to death before, when the kid begs for the assistant principal not to tell his parents he's gay, he should listen.  Then again you also have Utah residents lining up to testify against non-discrimination laws for gays, so pretty much the whole state is screwed up. 

• I don't want you to think that only American conservatives are homophobic bigots, Canadian conservatives are as well.  I mean lets face it, since 2005 when Canada legalized gay marriage, it's been all downhill and now everyone is scavenging in the streets for food fearing the wrath of Warlord Krul.

I'll Be Liveblogging Tonight's Republican Presidential Debate at 9PM Eastern / 6PM Pacific on Fox News

Join me tonight at 9PM Eastern / 6PM Pacific as I liveblog the Fox News / Iowa Republican Party Presidential Debate.  With Christmas fast approaching and the Iowa Caucus less than 3 weeks away, tonight's debate is the last best hope for any of the candidates hoping to change their momentum or crush their opponents before the voting officially begins.  You're not going to want to miss a second of this one, and I'll be here to give you minute by minute analysis of all the action.

Update:
You can find my live commentary here.

Wit of the Web Slinger Wednesday: Clocks

Contrary to what Toby Maguire would have you believe, Spider-Man is supposed to be funny, or at least making inappropriate jokes. So lets return to a simpler time:

I'm pretty sure that Spider-Man just killed that woman by bouncing a clock so hard off her head that it's dented in that last panel.

Republican Racism Review: Soul Train, Skunks, and Romney Meets the KKK

Real button handed out at the 2008
Texas Republican State Convention

If you start keeping your eyes open for them, there are a terrifying number of news stories about Republicans being racist:

• Always one to ask the important questions, Bill O'Reilly wants to know if President Obama's outreach to the African American community is going to include going "on Soul Train" because it "is a popular vehicle" in that community.

• Michelle Bachmann is cool with dragging suspected undocumented immigrants out of their homes in front of their sobbing children (of course she also thinks half of Mexico's population has 'invaded' the US).  This would just be another crazy thing Michelle Bachmann's said if it weren't for the fact that half of all undocumented immigrants in the US have kids.  That's a lot of broken families and traumatized kids courtesy of the Republican Party.  Then again, as Fox News Lars Larson says, "illegal aliens" are nothing more than "undocumented Democrats" so it's not like they matter anyway right?  Except that when Republicans like Sheriff Joe Arpaio become obsessed with them they forget to do their job and drop the ball on more than 400 sex crimes cases.  But hey a couple dozen of those were child molestation cases, and they might have been the children of undocumented immigrants, so does it really count to Republicans?

• I always feel concerned when I read a headline like "Glenn Beck: Gingrich Supporters Who Oppose Obama Are Racist" that I might actually agree with Glenn Beck on something.  Don't worry, it's because he thinks that Gingrich and Obama are identical so the only reason to oppose him other than racism, so Glenn Beck is still wrong.  But the Tea Party is still racist, mostly for putting out adds comparing Obama to a skunk because "It is half black, half white, and almost everything it does, stink."

• Mitt Romney is having trouble proving that he's actually conservative to the Republican base.  So what's his solution?  Steal the Ku Klux Klan's slogan: "Keep America, American."

West Wing Wednesday

Hostess Snack Break: Batman and Sable Lady

Everyone needs a break sometimes, so why don't you enjoy this one with one of your favorite superheroes and one of your favorite Hostess snack treats:

I don't know why the insanity of this one bothers me more than the others do.  Maybe it's that "The Mink Marauder" shouldn't need the alias "Sable Lady", it just makes it seem like she couldn't decide on a supervillain name, or maybe it's the fact that when every alarm in the city goes off Batman's first instinct is to protect furs on a hunch rather than see if maybe there's some city wide catastrophe.

Terrific Tuesday Tidings: Liberals are Right, Awesome Speeches, and Political Correctness

It's Tuesday and that means it's time for my ongoing quest to become a more positive person. Here are the news stories that made me happy this week:

• Just for fun, people should remember that funding Democratic priorities like education, healthcare, and green energy will create more jobs than the military or massive budget cuts can.  Of course that assumes that the Republicans are actually interested at all in creating jobs or "facts."

• While the resolution is non-binding, I'm still going to give a shout out to the Los Angeles city council for unanimously voting that corporations are not people and we should restrict their ability to influence elections.  Which reminds me that setting up a human red carpet outside the Chamber of Commerce Christmas Party is a fairly clever protest.

• The Daily Show interrupted Florida Governor Scott Walker's press conference to ask him to pee in a cup to see if he's on drugs, seeing as how he receives hundreds of thousands of dollars in money from the state each year and believe those who receive government money should be drug tested.

• While for the life of me I can't find a video of it (if you can find it, post it in the comments and I'll edit it in), President Obama gave an incredible speech last week on inequality.  You can find a full
  transcript here, but for just a taste:

"It's heartbreaking enough that there are millions of working families in this country who are now forced to take their children to food banks for a decent meal. But the idea that those children might not have a chance to climb out of that situation and back into the middle class, no matter how hard they work? That's inexcusable. It is wrong. It flies in the face of everything that we stand for."

•  Barack Obama wasn't the only person to give an inspiring speech last week as Secretary of State Hillary Clinton declared that "gay rights are human rights" (video and transcript this time, how fancy am I).

• Most likely due to the coverage on this blog (ok, it might have been the whole "we arrested an executive from the state's biggest employer by accident" thing), Alabama Governor Robert Bentley has announced that the state needs to review and revise it's draconian immigration law.  Whatever the cause, it's still a victory for those who care about basic human decency, and you better believe we'll be watching to make sure they do it right.

• Finally, friend of the blog Geoff Bell wrote an excellent column on the history of the term "politically correct" and how you're pretty much an idiot if you buy into the rightwing narrative that it's a bad thing.  It's good, you should read it, and then maybe remember that treating people with a basic level of respect is actually a good thing.

Have a great week everybody, and stay positive!

Frontline of the Class War: Fox on Fairness, the Power of Corporations, and Why the Romans were Right about Privatized Firefighters

The Republicans are right, there is a class war going on in this country. And they're the ones waging it against the middle and working class:

• Last week President Obama gave a speech on inequality in America and how to rebuild the middle class.  Fox News claimed it was a "communist, socialist manifesto" on why "freedom doesn't work," while Republican Congressman Allen West settled for calling it "contrary to the principles" this country was founded on.  So....that's special.

• Senate Republicans (who previously voted to privatize Social Security) are now refusing to vote to extend the Obama Payroll Tax Cut because it might endanger Social Security decades from now.  Which presumably means they're down to lift the payroll tax cap to ensure that the program remains solvent forever, right?  Of course not, instead they're saying that we can't pay for it with a millionaire's surtax because that would weaken the job creators.  Funny thing is when NPR asked, the Republican Congressional Leadership, the Chamber of Commerce, and the Tax Relief Coalition couldn't actually find a single millionaire who would say on the record that the surtax would hurt their business.  But NPR was able to find plenty of millionaires who said it wouldn't.  Funny how that works.

• In totally unrelated news, Koch sponsored political PACs are bragging that they've been able to lobby and fundraise their way into shutting down the discussion on Global Warming, here's a list of 30 corporations that paid more for lobbyist than they did in taxes, the private owners of Zuccotti Park owe the city of New York more than a $100,000 in unpaid taxes, and just 6 Walmart heirs are as wealthy as the bottom third of Americans.

• Republican Presidential Frontrunner Newt Gingrich has clarified his position on child labor, namely that making 5 year olds work would be "an education in life" though he conceded they probably "shouldn't work in coal mines."  Don't worry though, wherever the 5 year olds work, if they go on unemployment (or anyone else does), House Republicans want them to be drug tested.

• Finally, I know that Republicans hate the whole "modern world" thing, but can't we at least agree that if the Roman Empire figured out that privatized fire fighting was a bad idea, we probably shouldn't do it either?

Welcome to the Working Week!

Responding to My (Anonymous) Anti-Feminist Commenter

For the record, I actually like receiving comments on this blog and would love to receive more (hint, hint loyal readers).  And part of that means I read, and when possible attempt to respond to, all the comments I do receive.  And so on Saturday I was excited that I'd received a comment on this article about sexism in the GOP.  And then I read it, and I became excited in a very different way, mostly because the commenter was very angry, very longwinded about why they were angry, and then challenged me to "learn the facts and not more feminist lies."  I was originally just going to respond to their comment, but them most people would probably miss it, and where's the fun in that.  I'm actually pretty proud to be accused of being a feminist blogger, since I think equality for all and destroying gender stereotypes that harm both sexes are pretty cool things.  So let's break this down, Entertained Organizer style:

Monday Makeover: Batman Jones

There are no bad characters, just characters that no one has spent far too much time thinking about how to make work. I intend to fix that.

These are terrible parents.

Batman Jones first appeared in 1957's Batman #108.  Batman saved his life shortly after he was born and so in gratitude his parents decided to name him after Batman.  His legal name was thus Batman Jones.  Even in the 1950s that kind of poor parenting was newsworthy, and so soon everyone in Gotham City had heard of Batman Jones.  And then a funny thing happened.  The real Batman saved a lot of people, but he was usually gone before they even had a chance to say so much as a "thank you."  So they sent gifts of gratitude to Batman Jones instead.  He wanted for nothing and pretty much from the moment he became aware of his namesake, he wanted to become Batman.  And with the gifts given to him he was able to do surprisingly well in preparing himself.  But Batman decided that endangering Robin was probably enough kids engaging in his War on Crime, and so he set out to convince Batman Jones that he wasn't cut out for the superheroing life.  And Batman failed. Fortunately for everyone, before Batman Jones could press the issue he got bored with trying to be Batman and became obsessed with collecting stamps.  Years later he was shown to be the foremost expert on Batman (and kind of creepy obsessed with him).

There's not a lot really to say about Batman Jones.  On the one hand the idea of parents naming their child "Batman," this causing him to want to become Batman, and then actually being good at it is pretty insane even for the Silver Age.  On the other hand though, there are literally hundreds of Batman stories about either normal people trying to be Batman or normal people who've had their lives completely altered by interacting with him.  Why wouldn't some of them look for a tangible being to show their gratitude to (and serve as a figurehead)?  And what happens to a child that is denied nothing and is named after a godlike being?  What happens to Batman Jones?

Batman Jones had never known want in his life.  His parents always told him that other believers provided for them because Batman Jones was special.  Batman Jones was born to lead his people, to ascend.  To everyone in Gotham the Batman was more than just a man, he was a legend.  But the chosen few knew that he was more than even that.  They knew he was a god, and he'd sent them Batman Jones as their savior, as the one who would guide them.  They merely needed to give him the proper guidance and training.

Liveblogging the ABC/Iowa Republican Party Presidential Debate

Tonight's debate begins at 9 Eastern / 6 Pacific on ABC (or streaming at http://abcnews.go.com/).  It'll feature Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, and Rick Santorum (so basically everyone except Jon Huntsman).  This debate is the first since Newt Gingrich became the frontrunner, so especially look out to see how the other Not-Romney candidates choose to react to that, as well as whether Romney himself will finally get down into the mud.  With less than a month to go until the Iowa Caucus (and two weeks until Christmas), this will be one of the last opportunities for Gingrich to implode.  Will he?  Let's find out:

Love Lessons with Lois Lane: The Fattest Woman in Metropolis

In much of the civilized world, Saturday night is date night. And everything I know about dating I learned from Lois Lane. So before heading out for the night, let's see what advice she has for us this week:

Even if you have body image issues, there is someone out there who is attracted to you, and possibly stalking you.  That someone is Superman.

He-Man Woman Haters Club Report: Empty Mangers, Male Inequality, and Vintage Sexism

With classism, racism, and homophobia already in the mix, why wouldn't the GOP add in some sexism too:

• It is almost Christmas, so what better way to guilt women into keeping an unwanted pregnancy than to tell them they might be aborting the Messiah.  Shouldn't this plan be offensive to literally everyone?

• It turns out that Michele Bachmann has forbidden her daughters from asking boys out.  Still to be revealed are her thoughts on chastity belts and churning butter.

• When asked to clarify his position on women's equality and the pay gap, Newt Gingrich responded that what we really need to start worrying about is "male inequality."  Because the proper response to any problem is to worry about the point "15 or 20 years in the future" when it's magically been solved and that has created another problem.

• Rush Limbaugh wants you to know that if you're cheating on your wife, he's got a product that can help you keep her from finding out.  Why exactly do his advertisers want to be associated with this?

• Just a quick reminder to everyone out there that "beauty" is a social construct, changes over time, and has always been used to make women feel bad about themselves so they'll buy what someone is selling:

And tune in tonight (12/10) at 9PM Eastern/6PM Pacific as I live blog the Republican Presidential Debate on ABC!

SciFi Friday: Martian Water, Cannibalistic Polar Bears, and Real Life Dragons

The 1950s promised us a future full of robot butlers, rocket packs, and beautiful alien princesses. So far scientists have delivered on absolutely none of those promises. But they have given us some other pretty cool stuff, so for the (other) geeks home on a Friday night, here's some pretty cool real scientific breakthroughs:

• NASA scientists say that photos taken by the Mars rover "Opportunity" make a 'slam-dunk' case that the Red Planet once had flowing water.

• University of Chicago psychologists developed an experiment in which a free rat had the opportunity to help an imprisoned rat escape, and repeatedly did so.  Which may be a big first step in proving that empathy is not a uniquely human (or primate) trait.

• Just a reminder that Global Warming is having serious impacts now, scientists have discovered that with melting polar ice caps polar bears are now turning to cannibalism to stay alive (warning, the picture is pretty depressing).

• And just to make you feel better after that last story, it may be a couple thousand pounds light and not breathe fire, but this newly discovered species sure looks like a dragon to me:

As always, your geeky news stories and thoughts for the week in the comments!

Bill O'Reilly is a Coward, a Bully, and a Hypocrite

So that headline isn't exactly breaking news, but we do have new evidence that Bill O'Reilly is a coward, a bully, and a hypocrite, and that's always fun.  Earlier this week a man approached O'Reilly on the street with a camera phone to ambush interview him.  In response, O'Reilly went on the following seven and a half minute rant on his show about how it was terrifying (but of course he wasn't scared), he felt like John Lennon (Bill O'Reilly should never think of himself as being John Lennon), and that there should be a law to prevent people from shoving a camera in his face and asking him questions when he's not ready for it:

Now in the interest of full disclosure and also to show that this "terrifying encounter that should be made illegal" mostly consisted of O'Reilly hitting a guy in the face with the pointy end of an umbrella, here's the video from the camera phone: 

Ok, but how does this make him a hypocrite?  Well literally 30 seconds on youtube gave me this "highlight" reel from a conservative fan of O'Reilly Factor staffers ambush interviewing people on the street:

So to review, when a stranger approaches Bill O'Reilly in the street with a camera and questions it's scary, should be met with assault, and should be illegal.  But when he does it to people it's just good television.