Saturday, March 31, 2012

Love Lessons with Lois Lane: The Battle Between Super-Lois and Super-Lana!

In much of the civilized world, Saturday night is date night. And everything I know about dating I learned from Lois Lane. So before heading out for the night, let's see what advice she has for us this week:

If the person you're involved with can't decide between you and someone else, maybe it's time for you to make the decision for them.

He-Man Woman Haters Club Report: Military Service, Google It, and Why You Got Married

With classism, racism, and homophobia already in the mix, why wouldn't the GOP add in some sexism too:

A Note on Fashion

Fashion choices are not an excuse.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Is There Anything Rick Santorum Could Have Been Saying Besides the N-Word?

Seriously, I've watched this about a dozen times now, and I can't think of anything else it could have been:

We know, we know the candidate Obama what he was like.  The anti-war, goverment nig- the uh the America was a source for division around the world.

Mitt Romney Believes One Thing About Cars and Trees

Probably Gay, The Homophobia Song

I've mentioned before that I believe the only thing that can explain modern homophobia is deep self loathing. Here are some women who put that belief into song:

Published as a Public Service Announcement: Binky Says, "It's Fun to Belong!"

Hopefully a future PSA explains the dangers of joining a cult.

Mitt Romney's Car Elevator

Closeted Countdown: Programs, Proms, and Race Wars

I've long believed that the only thing that could motivate someone to dedicate their lives to homophobia is deep self-loathing. So start the countdown timer until these folks get caught with a gay prostitute:
The strategic goal of this project is to drive a wedge between gays and blacks - two key democratic constituencies. We aim to find, equip, energize and connect African American spokespeople for marriage; to develop a media campaign around their objections to gay marriage as a civil right; and to provoke the gay marriage base into responding by denouncing these spokesmen and women as bigots. No politician wants to take up and push an issue that splits the base of the party. Fanning the hostility raised in the wake of Prop 8 is key...
So that's classy. 

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Wit of the Web Slinger Wednesday: Thunder and Lightening

And once again, a member of the Fantastic Four has completely broken Spider-Man's mind.  And I am left wondering why the Human Torch needs an umbrella.

Rick Santorum: The Obamaville Horror

It takes a special kind of person to claim that if their opponent wins, the country will turn into an eighties horror film.  It takes an even special-er kind of person to do it in an ad in which the only time a person of color appears is when you quickly morph Ahmadinejad into Obama and then back again.  But Rick Santorum is the special-est kind of person, because even though he was willing to do all that, he still failed to do it well:

Geraldo Rivera: Racist or Risk Taker?

West Wing Wednesday

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Terrific Tuesday Tidings: Civil Rights Edition

It's Tuesday and that means it's time for my ongoing quest to become a more positive person. Here are the news stories that made me happy this week:
  • In recent weeks, I've discussed the fact that women and Latinos are trending increasingly towards Democrats and how that spells electoral doom for Republicans.  Well, you can add the fastest growing minority group, Asians, to the list, who now favor Democrats to Republicans by a 57 to 15 margin.
Finally on a more personal note, I just want to say thank you to the men and women of the Apple Genius bar who got my seemingly dead computer back to life for free.

Hostess Snack Break: Batman and the Corsair of Crime

Everyone needs a break sometimes, so why don't you enjoy this one with one of your favorite superheroes and one of your favorite Hostess snack treats:

I'm not sure if Batman knows this, but if you tie someone up and drop them out of a helicopter in the middle of the ocean, that's not 'giving them a bath', that's murder.

One Week of Etch-A-Sketch Ads

It's been one week since Romney's Communications Director Eric Fehrnstorm said, "Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign. Everything changes. It’s almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all of over again." So here are three ads that have already come out, see if you can spot the one that's not like the others:

The DNC's "Mitt Romney: Unshakably Extreme" Ad:

Pro-Obama SuperPAC American Bridge's "Romney: The Etch-A-Sketch Candidate" Ad:

And the totally doesn't have a secret deal, Ron Paul's "Etch-A-Sketch" Ad:

Monday, March 26, 2012

Just a Heads Up Geraldo

Geraldo Rivera: “I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death as George Zimmerman was.”

Herman Cain Has Convinced Me There is No Bottom to the 'Rabbit' Hole

I've gone on record as saying that Herman Cain's anti-stimulus ad in which a little girl pours a goldfish onto the ground to watch it slowly die is the craziest political ad I've ever seen.  I say that as someone who has watched every political ad that has come out this cycle, and who enjoys watching old political ads from cycles I wasn't even born for, for fun.  Which is why I really don't know what to say about Herman Cain's newest ad in which a bunny rabbit representing "small business" is shot out of a catapult and then blasted out of the sky with a rifle like a clay pigeon:

Except maybe that someday that little girl is going to need therapy.

Monday Makeover: Bag O'Bones

There are no bad characters, just characters that no one has spent far too much time thinking about how to make work. I intend to fix that.

Ned Creegan, better known as Bag O'Bones (and later Cyclotronic Man and Meltdown), first appeared in 1967's Batman #195.  He was just a common criminal until he came up with the brilliant idea of stealing radioactive jewels from a Dr. Logan, mad scientist.  While trying to pawn said jewels, Batman and Robin burst in and some combination of shock and radiation transformed Creegan into Bag O'Bones, a glowing purple skeleton with translucent skin, increased strength, and an electric grip.  He easily defeated the Dynamic Duo, but disturbed by his new appearance, Bag O'Bones rushed back to Dr. Logan's lab where the not-so-good doctor explained that he'd been working on a cure to radiation sickness to sell to the Soviets, and that for every second Creegan remained in his skeletal form, it was costing him a day of his life.  Dr. Logan then offered him a pill that would temporarily revert him to his human form in exchange for being his guinea pig.  Desperate to live, Creegan agreed.  He also decided that since prolonged use of his Bag O'Bones powers would kill him, he would use them for one big score that would make him set for life.  Batman and Robin intervened, and having figured out how his powers worked quickly defeated him.  Unfortuantely during the fight his pills were destroyed, and terrified by his rapidly decreasing lifespan he tells them where to find Dr. Logan.  When they arrive at the lab, Dr. Logan attacks the Caped Crusaders with mutated animals, who they also defeated, and everybody went to jail.  Later, Creegan's powers mutated and much stronger he fought Superman and Black Lightening as the Cyclotronic Man, before they mutated again and he fought Batman and the Outsiders as Meltdown, after which he got the cure he so desperately wanted and was never seen or heard from again.

Let's start with the bad, since frankly there's more of it.  While it's pretty clear from the panel to the left that the writer didn't intend this, but assuming Ned Creegan is 30 years old and would have lived to the ripe old age of 90, that still means he can only survive as Bag O'Bones for about 6 hours.  Easily an hour of that is spent in his first appearance.  That's a pretty big limitation in a serial medium where popular villains make multiple appearances a year for decades at a time.  Which is a pretty nice segue into Bag O'Bones second big problem as a character: in three total appearances, he's appeared with three different names and three different power sets.  Besides the fact that the comics make a point to remind you that it's the same guy, there would be absolutely no way to tell.  Tweaks to a character between appearances are fine and inevitable over the course of years and multiple writers and artists. But while the Joker has managed to be a crime boss, prankster, serial killer and back again, you always knew it was the Joker.  That's just not the case with Bag O'Bones/Cyclotronic Man/Meltdown.

Which brings us to what works about the character.  And what works, despite being ignored in every subsequent appearance is pretty great.  Bag O'Bones is Frankenstein's Monster.  Sure he's scary looking and potentially dangerous, but ultimately he's just a petty crook who's terrified for his life.  The real monster of the piece is Dr. Frankenstein, or in this case Dr. Logan.  He created the creature, blackmails him, and then enables him to commit crimes.  And again, Dr. Logan was trying to create a cure for radiation poisoning so that he could sell it to the Soviet Union so that they could survive a nuclear exchange with the US, so he was a bad dude before Ned Creegan ever showed up.  So forget the flying radioactive schtick, it's pretty lame.  But a walking, glowing skeleton is something out of a horror story. A walking, glowing skeleton who's actually being forced to commit crimes by an evil mad scientist is something out of a good horror story.  And if you say he loses an hour of his life for every second that he's Bag O'Bones, that gives a short enough amount of time for Creegan to still fear for his life while being long enough for him to realistically reappear in comics indefinitely.  A ghoulish slave forced to do his master's bidding.

Frontline of the Class War: The Old School SuperPAC, Priorities, and Slipups

The Republicans are right, there is a class war going on in this country. And they're the ones waging it against the middle and working class:
  • The Political Director for the US Chamber of Commerce pointed out that they're "the old school SuperPAC" because they don't disclose donors and try to hide how much money they spend on elections.  Which pretty much explains everything that's wrong with both SuperPACs and the Chamber of Commerce.
  • And if you've wondered why it's important to invest in science even if it has no clear practical applications, a nozzle originally designed by NASA for the engine of their new generation of spacecraft also happens to dramatically improve the efficiency of firefighting hoses: 
One series of tests using empty houses at Vandenberg Air Force Base compared [this new] system with a 20-gallon-per-minute, 1,400 pound-per-square-inch (psi) discharge capability (at the pump) versus a standard 100-gallon-per-minute, 125 psi standard hand line—the kind that typically takes a few firemen to control. The standard line extinguished a set fire in a living room in 1 minute and 45 seconds using 220 gallons of water. The [new] system extinguished an identical fire in 17.3 seconds using 13.6 gallons—with a hose requiring only one person to manage.

Will the Real Mitt Romney Please Stand Up

Just purely from an editing standpoint, this is pretty amazing:

Weekly Weekend Caption Contest: Voter Early, Vote Often

It's Monday and that means it's time to vote on the best caption submission from this weekends photo:

And the entries:

From reigning champ "Anonymous":

And from newcomer "Don't Stop the Crazy Train":

You know what to do, vote for this week's Entertained Organizer Weekly Weekend Caption King/Queen in the comments (or on Facebook, where you should already be Entertained Organizer's fan)

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Sunday Short: A Gentlemen's Duel

Sundays should be a day to rest and relax. And what better way to do that than to take a few minutes to watch an animated short:

(In which the past is more awesome than it was)

Saturday, March 24, 2012

He-Man Woman Haters Club Report: Men's Permission, Unequal Pay, and Some Actually Good Advice from Republicans

With classism, racism, and homophobia already in the mix, why wouldn't the GOP add in some sexism too:
  • A woman in Indiana is being charged with "attempted feticide" after she attempted to kill herself when her boyfriend revealed he was actually married and was going to leave her.  She faces 45 years in prison.
  • Finally, Mitt Romney made the odd decision to tell women voters on the campaign trail that if they wanted free birth control, they should "vote for the other guy."  So you heard him ladies, if you think that women should have the reproductive freedom to decide when and if they have children regardless of their income level, Mitt Romney doesn't want your vote.

Love Lessons with Lois Lane: Lois Lane's Super-Daughter!

In much of the civilized world, Saturday night is date night. And everything I know about dating I learned from Lois Lane. So before heading out for the night, let's see what advice she has for us this week:

You're going to have to accept that your significant other is going to have to put their kids before you, but that doesn't mean this picture isn't creepy and a warning sign to run away.

Weekly Weekend Caption Contest

It's Saturday and that means all your hopes and dreams are about to come true.  That's right, it's time for the Entertained Organizer Weekly Weekend Caption Contest!  You know the drill, submit your caption to the following photo in the comments or on Facebook (you are a fan on Facebook right?) by midnight Sunday and then we'll vote on the submissions Monday.  Caption away:

Friday, March 23, 2012

Rick Santorum Struggles with New Technology

I don't care that he took this picture to mock Mitt Romney, Presidential candidates should know better.

Things Mitt Romney Regrets Having Said, Take One Billion

It was really nice for someone to sit on this until right after the Etch-A-Sketch thing happened:

Host: Aren't you connected to the Republican Party in the State of Massachusetts?
Mitt Romney: Well, the only connection is that I'm registered as a Republican.

Advice on Hiring Prostitutes from a Republican Gubernatorial Candidate

There are some news stories that it would never even occur to me would ever be real.  Like a Republican running for Governor of Montana having written a book including a chapter giving advice on how to hire a prostitute.  And yet Neil Livingstone and his book Protect Yourself in an Uncertain World have made it a reality.  I could go on about how this will affect the race or the hypocrisy of the Party of Family Values, but instead I'm just going to give you what you want, his advice (scans originally found here): 

I think we can all agree that this is probably the definitive guide to hiring a prostitute.  And after detailing his exacting knowledge on how to hire and deal with prostitutes, Neil Livingstone chose to end it by reminding people it's not nice to cheat on your wife.

Friendship Friday with Jimmy Olsen: The Invisible Jimmy Olsen!

Who better to teach us about the true meaning of friendship than Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen?

Friends DON'T let friends think that they're trapped in the 4th dimension and therefore invisible, because the 4th dimension is time.  We are all trapped in the 4th dimension.

You Probably Shouldn't Flee a Press Release Clutching a Squealing Pig

I don't really like the idea of giving campaign advise to Republicans, mostly because they might actually take it.  But I feel safe in telling Wisconsin Republican Senate Candidate Mark Neumann that you should avoid putting yourself in the situation of having to run away from reporters with a screaming piglet shouting about how much louder you're going to make him scream later, because then this video exists:

Weekly Weekend Caption Contest: Winners

The jokes have been made, the votes have been counted, and my computer has been rebuilt from the ground up by the nice people at Apple.  It's time to announce the winner of the Entertained Organizer's Weekly Weekend Caption Contest:

And once again we have a tie.  

And so, congratulations to our new Entertained Organizer Weekly Weekend Caption King/Queen:

and our returning champion (who was put over the top by the vote of "Not Brandon") our reigning Entertained Organizer Weekly Weekend Caption Contest King "Reader Brandon":

Come back tomorrow for another opportunity to compete!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Entertained Organizer is Experiencing Some Technical Difficulties

My computer appears to be dying. I'm taking it in to be worked on today, and should resume regular posting soon.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Frontline of the Class War: Insurance, Chickens, and Getting a Raise

The Republicans are right, there is a class war going on in this country. And they're the ones waging it against the middle and working class:
  • Proving once again that he's not a sexist and totally gets young people, Rush Limbaugh took to the airwaves to ask why would any young person get health insurance when they could be "looking for women at Georgetown Law" instead.  Get it, because they're sluts and getting laid is way more important than being able to afford medical care.

This was Probably Inevitable: The Republican Presidential Music Competition

I've recently discovered that apparently people write songs about Republican Presidential candidates.  And that leaves me with a decision to make.  Either I let the horror of that sink in and destroy my sanity OR I turn it into a funny competition.  So, since there's no rational reason to support any of these guys, lets choose who the "best" Republican Presidential candidate based on their supporters musical talents:

Ron Paul - The Ron Paul Song

Newt Gingrich - The Newt Gingrich Rap

Mitt Romney - The Mitt Romney Song

And of Course:
Rick Santorum - Game On

So you tell me, who's the best:  The amateurish Ron Paul Song, the utterly odd Newt Gingrich rap, the appropriate one man Mitt Romney Song, or the folksy Rick Santorum country epic?

The Unbearable Lightness of Being Mitt Romney

This is almost enough to make me feel sorry for Mitt Romney, almost:

Weekly Weekend Caption Contest Entries: Vote Early, Vote Often

It's Monday and that means it's time to vote on the best caption submission from this weekends photo:

And now for the entries:

Reader Belinda sees the gangsta in Newt Gingrich's soul:

Reader Florian can't hide his horror:

"Anonymous" gets deep:

Finally, reigning Entertained Organizer Caption King Reader Brandon defends his crown:

You know what to do, vote for your favorite in the comments, will our new Entertained Organizer Caption King/Queen of the Week be:

Reader Belinda?
Reader Florian?
Reader Brandon?

Sunday, March 18, 2012

The Shape of Things to Come OR Chaos in the St. Charles County Republican Caucus

Let me set the scene.  Yesterday was the Missouri Republican Caucus (if you're asking yourself, 'wait didn't Missouri already have a Republican Primary?', yes they did, it didn't actually count for anything, and delegates for the state convention, where the national delegates will be selected, were chosen yesterday).  St. Charles County is one of the most conservative counties in the state and awards one of the largest delegations to the convention.  Except that didn't happen yesterday.  Instead the caucus ended with a police helicopter circling overhead while campaign representatives were arrested by swarms of police on the ground and no delegates were awarded to anyone.  But that's jumping ahead.

Last month during the non-binding Missouri Primary, Rick Santorum won St. Charles County with 56.3% of the vote to Romney's 25.4% and Paul's 12.7%, but as previously mentioned that didn't actually mean anything.  In what is increasingly becoming a race for delegates, they were still up for grabs.  Which is pretty much exactly what happened: "We had about 300+ Paul supporters at the caucus, but we didn't have a majority. Our camp made a deal with the Romney camp to shut out Santorum and we'd still get our chair and Romeny would get delegates and secretary."  There's nothing wrong with this by way, combining their forces, the Romney and Paul camps figured that with low turnout they'd end up with a majority at the caucus and be able to divide up the delegates amongst themselves, completely shutting Santorum out.

It was a good plan really, and it would have worked too if it weren't for those meddling kids and that mangy dog too (also known as Santorum supporters on the St. Charles County Republican Central Committee). This included Bryan Spencer, the committee member tasked with organizing the caucs, who told the Ron Paul county organizer, "if the Ron Paul people come in and hijack the caucus, I will do everything in my power to throw out the entire delegation on a technicallity."  Spencer even found a clever way to figure out if they were likely to be 'hijacked', he had all caucus attendees vote in a straw poll while signing in.  Which pretty much sets up what followed.

Fellow Santorum supporter, and temporary caucus chair, Eugene Dokes refused to start the caucus until all recording devices were turned off.  When a Paul supporter refused, Dokes had the cops called and proceeded to appoint a permanent caucus chair and rules and credentialing committee members on a voice vote that he pretty clearly lost.  Newly appointed caucus chair Matt Ehlen was unable to gain control of the caucus, which was quickly becoming a mob, and declared the caucus over without having appointed any delegates and that anyone who didn't leave the building would be arrested.  And then a couple of people were in fact arrested as they tried to organize supporters for whatever the next step will be:

Now as insane and entertaining as all of that was (and calling out a police helicopter to break up a Party Caucus at which there are no actual protestors is pretty insane and entertaining), it's not in itself very important.  What it is, is a canary in a coal mine.  Because the reality is that most of the contests thus far have been little more than the Missouri Primary, merely a straw poll while the actual delegates to the National Convention are to be selected later.  And this kind of grassroots level infighting, scheming, and back stabbing can destroy a Party.  Half the people at the St. Charles County Republican Caucus think that the other half is bent on overturning democracy, and the other half believes the same about the first.  The only difference is one side thinks their opponents are fascist while the other thinks they're a mob.  It's hard to come together behind a nominee after that, even harder when everyone admits that this primary is going to drag on for at least two more months and probably more.  Two more months where we're going to get to watch this type of drama unfold again and again, all over the country, each time building off the last.

I can't wait.

Sunday Short: The Saga of Biorn

Sundays should be a day to rest and relax.  And what better way to do that than to take a few minutes to watch an animated short:

(This one's about a geriatric viking)

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Love Lessons with Lois Lane: Mr. and Mrs. Clark (Superman) Kent!

In much of the civilized world, Saturday night is date night. And everything I know about dating I learned from Lois Lane. So before heading out for the night, let's see what advice she has for us this week:

Sometimes it's good to think about what the future with your significant other would be like.  Also the neighbors don't need to know what you two do in the privacy of your own home.

Weekly Weekend Caption Contest

Submit your captions for this photo either as a comment or on Facebook (you are a fan on Facebook right?) by midnight on Sunday, and we'll vote on who had the best submission Monday:

Friday, March 16, 2012

Friendship Friday with Jimmy Olsen: T.N.T. Olsen, the Champ!

Who better to teach us about the true meaning of friendship than Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen?

Friends DON'T let friends get into fights with opponents who are pretty clearly intoxicated.  Also Jimmy Olsen is supposed to be a teenage photography intern, why is he helping break up illegal fight clubs at all?

The Dark Seedy Underworld of Republican Presidential Primary Inspired Music

I think the thing that has surprised me the most since starting this blog (besides the number of people out there actually interested in my ramblings) is all the truly bizarre stuff that exists that I now feel compelled to seek out.  Take for example music inspired by the Republican Presidential Primary.  Last week I stumbled across a Rick Santorum tribute band, which seemed pretty crazy to me.  But it turns out that was only the tip of the iceberg.  What's crazier than writing songs about Rick Santorum?  Ever having written a song inspired by Herman Cain:

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Analyzing Romney's Music Playlist

So for reason's unknown Mitt Romney's campaign decided to release their "On the Road" music playlist. It's....odd.  And insightful.  Now there's the obvious stuff, like no politician should ever tell the press that they're listening to "Desperado" on a loop all day long, or the fact that it's hard to read the multi-millionaire governor of Massachusetts listening to a lot of country as anything except pandering.  But what really jumps out at me is that all of the songs are the kind of sad sack 'I just got dumped for the first time' music you'd listen to in high school.  Just check out the lyrics:

"I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow", The Soggy Bottom Boys
For six long years I've been in trouble,
no pleasure here on earth I've found
For in this world, I'm bound to ramble,
I have no friends to help me now.
"Read My Mind", The Killers
Slippin’ in my faith until I fall
You never returned that call
Woman, open the door, don't let it sting
I wanna breathe that fire again
"December, 1963 [Oh What A Night!]", Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons
Oh, I got a funny feeling when she walked in the room
And I, as I recall it ended much too soon
"Ring Of Fire", (no artist provided)
I fell into a burning ring of fire
I went down, down, down and the flames went higher
And it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire
The ring of fire.
"Somebody Told Me", The Killers
Breaking my back just to know your name
Seventeen tracks and I've had it with this game
I'm breaking my back just to know your name
But heaven ain't close in a place like this
Anything goes but don't blink you might miss
Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this
I said heaven ain't close in a place like this
"The MTA (The Boston Subway Song)", The Kingston Trio
Did he ever return,
No he never returned
And his fate is still unlearn'd
He may ride forever
'neath the streets of Boston
He's the man who never returned.
"Good Vibrations", The Beach Boys
Gotta keep those lovin good vibrations
A happenin with her
Gotta keep those lovin good vibrations
A happenin with her
Gotta keep those lovin good vibrations
A happenin
"Desperado", Clint Black
But it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones you can't get
Oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
And freedom, oh freedom, well that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walkin' through this world all alone
"Crying", Roy Orbison
That I'd been cry-i-i-i-ng over you, cry-i-i-i-ng over you
Then you said "so long". left me standing all alone
Alone and crying, crying, crying cry-i-ing
It's hard to understand but the touch of your hand
Can start me crying
"Only You", Commodores
Oh, I know if I had the power
To make this song come true
It would be for me
To build my life with only you
"Runaway", Del Shannon
I'm a-walkin' in the rain,
Tears are fallin' and I feel the pain,
Wishin' you were here by me,
To end this misery
"It's Your Love", Tim McGraw
It's your love
It just does somethin' to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
"As Good As I Once Was", Toby Keith
I ain't as good as I once was
Thats just the cold hard truth
I still throw a few back, talk a little smack
When I'm feelin bullet proof
So don't double dog dare me now
'Cause I'd have to call your bluff
"Born Free", Kid Rock
Lost, like an unknown stranger
Grateful for my time with no regrets
Close to my destination
Tired, frail and aching
Waiting patiently for the sun to set
"Over The Rainbow", (no artist provided)
Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I?
"Stardust", (no artist provided)
And now the purple dusk of twilight time
Steals across the meadows of my heart
High up in the sky the little stars climb
Always reminding me that we're apart
"In Dreams", Roy Orbison
We're together
In dreams, in dreams
But just before the dawn
I awake and find you gone
I can't help it, I can't help it
If I cry
"Somebody Like You (Album Version)", Keith Urban
I used to run in circles goin' no-where fast
I'd take, uh, one step forward and two steps back
Couldn't walk a straight line even if I wanted to
"All-American Girl", Carrie Underwood
He could already see him holding that trophy
Taking his team to state
But when the nurse came in with a little pink blanket
All those big dreams changed
I feel like we could give him a better list to listen to, any suggestions? 

Published as a Public Service Announcement: Health Myths Debunked!

Rick Santorum on Global Warming