Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Gabbing About Game of Thrones, S02E09: Blackwater

In this week's edition of Gabbing About Game of Thrones, Steven of Race for the Iron Throne and I delve into Bronn's pop rock roots, discuss the linguistic differences between shanking and shiving, agree that Ecto Cooler was delicious, and fantasize about a Game of Thrones/Mad Men crossover.  We also get into what actually happened in the episode:

Entertained Organizer:
Episode 9 – Blackwater
In which a smuggler commands a fleet and his son has faith, Tyrion is afraid and Shae goes to war, Cersei makes a request and dismisses Maester Pycelle, Bronn’s nose is unlucky and the Hound wants to fight, Varys shows Tyrion some tunnels and worries about magic, Davos orders a jam session, Tyrion says his goodbyes and Joffrey gets creepier, Joffrey’s people talk to Tyrion’s people, Davos doesn’t think there are any surprises, Cersei gets plastered and wants Sansa to join her, Tyrion has a plan and Stannis’ fleet goes boom, Stannis soldiers on, Sansa prays and Cersei is bitter at the gods and her guests, The Hound leads the vanguard and it rains fire, Cersei has childhood issues and questions Shae, The Hound has PTSD and quits, Joffrey bails and Tyrion steps up, Lancel overreaches and Sansa steps up, The Hound is leaving but Sansa won’t go with, Tyrion can weild an ax but didn’t count on betrayal, Cersei tells Tommen his final bedtime story and the Knight of Flowers saves his life, and Stannis must retreat when Tywin wins.
Race for the Iron Throne:
So we open in a very Steven Speilburg/Tom Hanks way, with men on Stannis ships getting ready, looking nervous, there's the puke shot, and we pan up to Davos and Matthos.
Entertained Organizer:
who share a rather touching father/son scene
Race for the Iron Throne:
Davos is nervous, Matthos is very confident in his monotheism but apparently not good at remembering prophecies.
Entertained Organizer:
he also has faith in his dad
Race for the Iron Throne:
Which is sweet.
Race for the Iron Throne:
Meanwhile, Tyrion and Shae revisit their early near-death-based relationship.
Entertained Organizer:
which is also sweet, I really like what they've done with that relationship
Race for the Iron Throne:
Yeah, I was impressed by how much Shae has grown on me, because early this season she annoyed the hell out of me.
Entertained Organizer:
I will point out that I always kind of liked her, but she's definitely grown on me since she was introduced
Race for the Iron Throne:
Scene change: Cersei drinks! (the first time)
Entertained Organizer:
playing the drink whenever Cersei drinks game would be really dangerous this episode
Race for the Iron Throne:
She's got a wooden leg! Pycelle burbles about strong opiates.
Entertained Organizer:
what the hell was he on about
Race for the Iron Throne:
I think he was just angling to find out why she wanted it.
Entertained Organizer:
but that seems really obvious
Race for the Iron Throne:
It's like Samson, he lost his mojo when he lost the beard.
Entertained Organizer:
....so Pycelle's single handedly going to destroy King's Landing?
Race for the Iron Throne:
No, because like all who deny R'hllor, he worships nothing but wooden statues.
Entertained Organizer:
so no pillar-knocking-over
Race for the Iron Throne:
Not a chance. So now we cut to Bronn leading Lannister men in a rousing chorus of the Rains of Castamere.
Race for the Iron Throne:
Entertained Organizer:
is it weird that I really like the song?
Race for the Iron Throne:
No, it's a great song. I like how they made it a bit up-tempo and celebratory, because that's how Lannister men would sing it.
Entertained Organizer:
exactly
Race for the Iron Throne:
And apparently Lannister soldiers are all trained in close-harmony singing.
Entertained Organizer:
Lannisters always pay their debts....to their vocal coach?
Race for the Iron Throne:
I think it shows the quality of Lannister HR. They recruit nothing but the best. And the naked woman in Bronn's lap says he has a pretty voice, which I think is a shout out to the fact that Jerome Flynn was a British pop star.
Race for the Iron Throne:
Race for the Iron Throne:
Robson Green, his other half, is a really great British actor too. I'd love to see him in Game of Thrones.
Entertained Organizer:
if I watch that video will it ruin Bronn for me?
Race for the Iron Throne:
Not really. Unless you have an irrational hatred of torch songs.
Entertained Organizer:
he's really surprisingly blond
Race for the Iron Throne:
Yeah.
Entertained Organizer:
clearly meant to be a Lannister. I realize we should move on, but I confess I keep waiting for Bronn to shank that other guy and fight his way through the audience
Race for the Iron Throne:
Who?
Entertained Organizer:
Robson Green
Race for the Iron Throne:
Oh. That wouldn't stop Robson Green. He has powers of supernatural intensity that can stop bullets.
Entertained Organizer:
but can they stop a shiv? or that weird back knife that Bronn prepares to pull on the Hound? (see I got us back)
Race for the Iron Throne:
Shall we discuss Bronn's nose?
Entertained Organizer:
Yes, thoughts on how he broke it the third, unspeakable, time?
Race for the Iron Throne:
I'm guessing fighting the same boys, but this time he won. That's where I thought he was going before he got distracted.
Entertained Organizer:
I'm good with that, next Bronn's nose question: before the Hound interrupted, how many more times do you think his nose was broken?
Race for the Iron Throne:
I think he said five?
Entertained Organizer:
I thought he didn't say, he was just listing them in order
Race for the Iron Throne:
You're right. So I'll go with five.
Entertained Organizer:
I will now be disappointed if the series ends without us learning the other 3 Bronn's broken nose stories
Race for the Iron Throne:
And the Hound immediately kills the party. He's like that kid in Peanuts with the permanent cloud.
Entertained Organizer:
pig-pen was the life of the party! he was just messy
Race for the Iron Throne:
Hmm...I may be thinking of another cartoon character. Who had a permanent rain cloud over their head? Eeyore?
Entertained Organizer:
haha, ya
Race for the Iron Throne:
So Sandor Clegane looks personally offended by people having fun, so decides to pick a fight with Bronn...because they have a lot in common? Is this the equivalent of a five-year old pulling on a girl's pigtails to get her attention?
Entertained Organizer:
the Hound seems really obsessed with the idea that everyone loves killing as much as he does, it's basically every second conversation he has
Race for the Iron Throne:
It's a big part of his only honest man in Westeros schtick. But it's not Bronn pretends that he's not a stone-cold killer.
Entertained Organizer:
True, and he does spend half the scene clutching a secret knife prepared to shank the Hound if need be
Race for the Iron Throne:
Although he's being pretty diplomatic for him.
Entertained Organizer:
well he's captain of the gold cloaks now
Race for the Iron Throne:
Question: what's the difference between shanking someone and shivving them?
Entertained Organizer:
a shank is a short knife and a shiv is an improvised knife made out of a non-metal material
Race for the Iron Throne:
But you're still stabbing someone, yes?
Entertained Organizer:
so you shank someone with a knife and you shiv someone with a sharpened toothbrush
Race for the Iron Throne:
But as a verb they mean the same thing.
Entertained Organizer:
right, they just refer to the specific weapon being used
Race for the Iron Throne:
So you can probably shank someone with a shiv and shiv someone with a shank.
Entertained Organizer:
No, it's like if I said I'm going to "fork" that guy, I mean I'm going to stab him with a fork
Race for the Iron Throne:
BELLS! See what I did there?
Entertained Organizer:
you mean you weren't fascinated by our linguistic lesson on stabbing termonology?
Race for the Iron Throne:
BELLS!
Entertained Organizer:
"I hate the bells..." Tyrion and Varys need to hang out more
Race for the Iron Throne:
And Varys hates wedding, apparently.
Entertained Organizer:
that was exactly the line I was thinking of, they just play off each other so well
Race for the Iron Throne:
They do make everything better. So Tyrion jokingly suggests that Varys is both a good spymaster and a pedo, Varys jokingly pretends not to understand, etc. We see the map of the tunnels. And apparently Varys really hates the Red God.
Entertained Organizer:
and it has something to do with how/why he was castrated
Race for the Iron Throne:
Yes, but they're delaying his backstory. By the way, Tyrion's armor and his chain of hands looks awesome.
Entertained Organizer:
it's easy to look stylish when you're the richest guy around, that's why Bill Gates always looks so cool
Race for the Iron Throne:
Yes, but the chain is important. So Davos decides to answer the bells with kickass drum solos.
Entertained Organizer:
I really loved the seamless logic of that, "they might have bells, but we have.....drums!"
Race for the Iron Throne:
Well, rhythmic music is important in getting large masses of men to move in a unified fashion.
Entertained Organizer:
and it's psychologically intimidating. I get it, I just found it amusing
Race for the Iron Throne:
Indeed. So Bronn and Tyrion practically pledge their undying love.
Entertained Organizer:
I actually found it kind of touching, first real bromance of the show
Race for the Iron Throne:
Indeed. Apparently Tyrion once saw Jaime chop wood, Bronn's picked up some culture. And I like how quietly scared out of his mind Tyrion is in this scene.
Entertained Organizer:
well they're basically screwed, he's got a crazy plan that might give them a chance, but if it doesn't work he is going to die along with the half dozen people in the world he actually likes
Race for the Iron Throne:

Race for the Iron Throne:
Look at that expression. Give the man a leading emmy. And HBO - nominate him for leading man. None of this supporting bs.
Entertained Organizer:
ya, I can understand the argument for him being a supporting character last season but this season there's really no excuse
Race for the Iron Throne:
HBO did some weird things with their Emmy noms this year. Hopefully, next year the show will have momentum built up behind it.
Entertained Organizer:
I think hoping for a show with dragons to ever actually win another Emmy is fundamentally misunderstanding the disdain Emmy voters have for fantasy
Race for the Iron Throne:
We'll see. We've never had a fantasy show with these ratings. Anyway, Sansa manages to snark on Tyrion, which is impressive.
Entertained Organizer:
I did like that even Tyrion seemed impressed. Joffrey has amazingly become creepier
Race for the Iron Throne:
Yes. I assume you also think that his desire for her to kiss his sword combined with his performance with the prostitutes earlier suggest that the violence and sex drives are twisted together in his head?
Entertained Organizer:
is there actually any other interpretation?
Race for the Iron Throne:
Not really. He's basically a serial killer by now.
Entertained Organizer:
Joffrey wants Sansa to lick her brother's blood off his "sword,” if that doesn't scream sexual sadist with incest issues I don't know what does
Race for the Iron Throne:
And Sansa plays him like a fiddle. She really was impressive in this scene. "The worst ones always live." Great line.
Entertained Organizer:
in an episode with a lot of great lines, in response to Shae saying Joffrey might not survive "Joffrey will, the worst ones always live" is my favorite
Race for the Iron Throne:
You owe me a coke!
Entertained Organizer:
get out of my head
Race for the Iron Throne:
So the battlements are very chaotic and Joffrey and Tyrion immediately begin acting like 5th graders. Hound, tell the Hand that the King...
Entertained Organizer:
that was hilarious
Race for the Iron Throne:
Reminded me of Homer and Lisa. "That would make me the quarterman, just doesn't have the same ring to it."
Entertained Organizer:
it's a pretty convincing argument
Race for the Iron Throne:
Did you notice the Hound flinching when the torch gets within a foot of his head?
Entertained Organizer:
ya, he did some fantastic acting
Race for the Iron Throne:
So Matthos gets absurdly optimistic about the lack of a fleet. And Cersei is rocking the Madonna look.
Entertained Organizer:
"Varys knows what you had for breakfast three days ago" is a close second for me
Race for the Iron Throne:
TOO MANY GOOD LINES! Damn you, George R.R Martin!
Entertained Organizer:
well it's mostly for the mental image of Varys opening a telegram that just says "three eggs and a slab of pork"
Race for the Iron Throne:
And he steeples his fingers and says "just as I had planned..."
Entertained Organizer:
am I the only one who now wants some eggs and bacon?
Race for the Iron Throne:
Well, I want eggs and ham. Preferably in a box with a fox. So what did you think of Cersei's number?
Entertained Organizer:
she is unspooling
Race for the Iron Throne:
Oh, and it's Drink #2 for Cersei! Who, unsurprisingly, is a belligerent drunk. So Sansa now has to answer unwelcome personal questions and drink too. And it's Drink #3 for Cersei!
Entertained Organizer:
Cersei is not a very happy person
Race for the Iron Throne:
I'm wrong, still number two. And apparently she gets hardcore machiavellian when she gets tipsy. We should stop for a second to say that Leona Heady deserves her own emmy for this episode.
Entertained Organizer:
she really does, she's just so amazingly hate-able and crazy
Race for the Iron Throne:
But at the same time sympathetic without being less hate-able. Which was the balance that was lacking a bit earlier this season.
Entertained Organizer:
ya, you really do get the sense that she was completely screwed over just because she was born a girl
Race for the Iron Throne:
Although it should also be pointed out that unlike Arya, Brienne, Asha, Ygritte, Daenerys, Mya Stone, Myra Reed, Dacey, Lyanna and Maege Mormont, Alys Karstark, and Catelyn, she doesn't really deal with it well. Instead, she projects a lot of internalized self-hatred of her gender onto every other woman. While also hating men while wanting to be one.
Entertained Organizer:
which brings us back to "Cersei is not a very happy person"
Race for the Iron Throne:
I feel like Westeros would be much better off if the Maesters had invented family counseling fifty years prior.
Entertained Organizer:
or psychology in general really
Race for the Iron Throne:
And poor Sansa just has to hang on for the ride. And now we get Drink #3! Transition back to the balcony and the fleet emerges from the mist. By the way, the transitions in this episode are great. Stannis looks almost happy as his ships move in.
Entertained Organizer:
that's a lie, Stannis is never happy
Race for the Iron Throne:
He's doing his weird smile-grimace. I think he's happy in battle, because he understands it and is in control of the situation.
Entertained Organizer:
that is the best description of it I've ever heard even ignoring the fact you had to drop into Orwellian doublespeak to make it work
Race for the Iron Throne:
Orwell didn't invent compound nouns. The Germans did.
Race for the Iron Throne:
And Tyrion sends out one ship and Joffrey loses it.
Entertained Organizer:
I kind of wish we could know what Joffrey was thinking
Race for the Iron Throne:
I think he's just backseat driving and wondering where the fleet is. His fleet, it should be explained.
Entertained Organizer:
"My gods, my uncle thinks just one ship can take on Stannis's fleet?  I better beat some hookers"
Race for the Iron Throne:
Yeah, probably. So the Pyromancer Haldane shows up, and HE"S SO HAPPY.

Race for the Iron Throne:
Look at that face!
Entertained Organizer:
to be fair this has to be better than christmas for him, he was promised that he'd get to burn down King's Landing, and then stupid Robert's Rebellion put a stop to that
Race for the Iron Throne:
He hasn't been able to burn anyone for about 17 years now, that's a long wait.
Entertained Organizer:
finally he gets to make the world burn
Race for the Iron Throne:
So Davos sees that the one ship is leaking antifreeze, tries to get the fleet to get the hell out of the way. Tyrion gives the signal, Bronn lines up a shot. And boom! Biiiiig booom!
Entertained Organizer:
um...that wasn't anti-freeze
Race for the Iron Throne:
It did have the same shade.
Entertained Organizer:
it was Ecto Cooler and it was delicious
Race for the Iron Throne:
I loved ecto cooler, but ecto cooler doesn't do this.
Entertained Organizer:
has anyone ever tired to do this with ecto cooler?
Race for the Iron Throne:
...not that there are witnesses of.
Entertained Organizer:
I'm taking that as a yes, but everyone died
Race for the Iron Throne:
I can neither confirm nor deny.

Race for the Iron Throne:
So....HUGE EXPLOSION. And somewhere, Michael Bay is weeping with rage.
Entertained Organizer:
because someone who wasn't him got to make a thing go boom?
Race for the Iron Throne:
Better than he ever did. And poor Matthos is 'sploded.
Entertained Organizer:
he could still become Two Face
Race for the Iron Throne:
No, he got disintegrated.
Entertained Organizer:
no body, no death. Two Face Matthos is off having adventures with Syrio
Race for the Iron Throne:
No
Entertained Organizer:
you can't let me have any of my amazing spinoff ideas, can you
Race for the Iron Throne:
Just the ones that make sense. Anyway, it's chaos on the river. And I love that Tyrion and Bronn are quietly a bit horrified at what they have done, the Hound wakes up in hell, and Haldayne needs to change his pants.
Entertained Organizer:
Joffrey's smile was equally creepy
Race for the Iron Throne:
But Stannis couldn’t care less.
Entertained Organizer:
"hundreds will die" "thousands"
Race for the Iron Throne:
What's amazing is that he's just seen something no one's seen in a generation and he's completely unfazed.
Entertained Organizer:
he also gives the worst version of the St. Crispin's day speech ever: "come with me and take this city"
Race for the Iron Throne:
Changes up the plan, moves ahead. Yet people follow him, because he is George Washington and Ho Chi Minh combined.
Entertained Organizer:
well also they still have a pretty good chance of taking the city at this point
Race for the Iron Throne:
But just so everyone's clear. As a result, Stannis lands further away from the city than he had intended. Which is why he doesn't land at the Mud Gate.
Entertained Organizer:
that was unclear?
Race for the Iron Throne:
Some people didn't get it. We're trying to educate here.
Entertained Organizer:

Race for the Iron Throne:
And cut to a fat dude juggling apples and Cersei Drink #4. She looks bored. Who to pick on?
Entertained Organizer:
there are so many choices, and Cersei goes with Sansa/The Gods
Race for the Iron Throne:
And she's starting to get a bit sloppy. And aggressive. So apparently Tywin's a non-worshipper, Cersei has gender identity issues and a very transactional understanding of sexuality.
Entertained Organizer:
well, she's basically right about the role of noble women in medieval society
Race for the Iron Throne:
Not really. See my previous blog posts. And Drink #5! And she wants Sansa to follow in her unsteady footsteps.
Entertained Organizer:
wait what did she have wrong about basically being sold to Robert to cement the Lannister's place under the new regime?
Race for the Iron Throne:
That Robert was also sold? In a sense. That she had ways of dealing with her situation that didn't involve murder and incest and incestuous murder? Just saying,  Highborn women of the Middle Ages could kick some serious ass. "I'd have a better chance of seducing his horse." And is it me or she a bit hot for Sansa at the moment.
Entertained Organizer:
well, given the internet it's definitely not just you (I hate you internet), but I didn't get that. She's jealous
Race for the Iron Throne:
I don't know. The bit about little slice of cake, the insistence on her drinking, Cersei's documented bicuriousity.
Entertained Organizer:
Sansa is her replacement, Cersei is the old queen and Sansa is the soon to be new queen
Race for the Iron Throne:
If Cersei thought that for a second, Sansa would be dead.
Entertained Organizer:
that's clearly what this episode was setting up though, that's why when Cersei freaks out the guests and storms off later, Sansa "acts the queen" and calms everyone down
Race for the Iron Throne:
It's not what next episode will be setting up! Anyway....Stannis Baratheon crosses the Delaware in 1776...I mean the Blackwater. Standing right at the front of the boat with his magic sword, no helmet, and even Tyrion admires him.
Entertained Organizer:
and the Hound has a complete PTSD meltdown
Race for the Iron Throne:
Not yet. Not nearly yet.
Entertained Organizer:
ok, you will have to pick up the slack because that's the next thing I have in my notes
Race for the Iron Throne:
First the Hound leads a sally party out and threatens death on anyone who puts a fire arrow near him. Stannis hits the beach and runs right up it. Up against the wall, the man next to him suddenly has his head vanish due to a stone and Stannis barely blinks, sending men to attack the Mud Gate.
Entertained Organizer:
that was pretty stone cold
Race for the Iron Throne:
When you're attacking Omaha Beach, you don't stop for eulogies. Arrows = bullets in this analogy.
Entertained Organizer:
I think everyone got that. I really hope everyone got that
Race for the Iron Throne:
The Hound leads out the sally party and threatens to rape the corpse of any man who dies with a clean sword. That's pretty much verbatim.
Entertained Organizer:
and then almost immediately freaks out
Race for the Iron Throne:
No....First HE CHOPS A MAN COMPLETELY IN HALF. Then Lancel takes an arrow and wusses out.
Entertained Organizer:
I watched the episode twice and took notes and somehow have zero memory of that. Have I been overly desensitized to violence?
Race for the Iron Throne:
It's kind of hard to forget. I mean, he cut through him at the waist. The top half just fell back. That's not easy to do. The spine's pretty thick that far down...not that I would know from first-hand experience.
Entertained Organizer:
just FYI, half our readers now think you're a serial killer
Race for the Iron Throne:
According to Cersei, it's best if the smallfolk fear me.
Entertained Organizer:
well as long as Cersei thinks it's a good idea...
Race for the Iron Throne:
So Cersei, now on Drink #6, discusses her history of cross-dressing, and we get a very tense bit with Shae. And just when you think the jig is up, Lancel busts in. Oh and apparently Shae's Lorathi.
Entertained Organizer:
Lancel thinks he's got waaaaaaaay more influence over Cersei than he does. Admittedly that's not hard because he actually has zero influence over Cersei
Race for the Iron Throne:
And Cersei makes a horrific decision, and Lancel isn't a complete idiot. But Cersei apparently doesn't understand cowardice. Drink #7! And suicide pact time! Or execution pact rather.
Entertained Organizer:
well pact implies that everyone agreed
Race for the Iron Throne:
Cersei and the guy with the sword agreed. And that's really all you need with a murder-suicide pact.
Entertained Organizer:
it's more like Cersei has a suicide pact and has provisionally ordered the execution of everyone else
Race for the Iron Throne:
True. And I have to say, I think including Sansa is really vindictive.
Entertained Organizer:
well ya, but in what world is Cersei ok with her being dead and Sansa still being alive?
Race for the Iron Throne:
Why would Cersei care if she's dead?
Entertained Organizer:
because Cersei is crazy and vindictive?
Race for the Iron Throne:
Ask an obvious question...So Cersei's ordered Joffrey to come back from the battle, and we cut to the battle, where the Hound has just chopped a man in half diagonally, which is even harder, because you're cutting through the shoulder and collarbones, the ribcage...I should stop now, shouldn't I?
Entertained Organizer:
well, from my perspective, if all our readers thinks you're a serial killer, I come off as the normal one by default
Race for the Iron Throne:
And now he gets freaked out because a man on fire is swinging an axe at him. Which I think is a normal reaction.
Entertained Organizer:
wimp
Race for the Iron Throne:
You'd do better?
Entertained Organizer:
if by better you mean "worse in every way" than yes
Race for the Iron Throne:
I am very impressed by the man who charged him. Fully on fire and he's just going straight in. No stop, drop, and roll. No flailing in agony. Just pure berserk fury. A round of applause for Baratheon infantryman 42601.
Entertained Organizer:
I kind of thought he was just in shock
Race for the Iron Throne:
Shock normally means you freeze up.
Entertained Organizer:
or just kind of keep going on autopilot
Race for the Iron Throne:
Or were you talking about Sandor?
Entertained Organizer:
no, Baratheon infantryman 42601
Race for the Iron Throne:
So Bronn saves the Hound with a well-timed arrow and gives Sandor a little nod, and somewhere Michael Bay is firing a gun into the air and is red-faced screaming.
Entertained Organizer:
I feel Michael Bay is not actually watching Game of Thrones or in fact anything made by people better than him. So...basically he keeps rewatching Pearl Harbor. On repeat. Forever....maybe there is justice in the universe
Race for the Iron Throne:
The Michael Bay Theory of Cosmic Justice - quick, to the Philosophy department! The world needs to know!
Entertained Organizer:
and now they do
Race for the Iron Throne:
So The Hound just walks away, and the sally is beaten back around him. Back at the landing zone, Stannis orders the ladders up, is first up, and takes on four Lannistermen by himself. And kills at least two.
Entertained Organizer:
this seems strategically like a bad idea, I mean cool he's a king who leads from the front, but what is the plan if they just stab him as he comes over the top?
Race for the Iron Throne:
R'hllor is on his side, clearly. And given that he wins the 4vs1 fight, I think he's not on the wrong track. The larger question is why he didn't route more men up the ladders once he got a foothold on the battlements. However, that shows the bigger flaw in his decision. He lost overall tactical control when he got separated from the rest of the army.
Entertained Organizer:
I do like the fact he had someone take the time to carve an intricate Stag head onto his battering ram
Race for the Iron Throne:
It's a branding thing.
Entertained Organizer:
is he worried that they'll think someone else is sieging the city?
Race for the Iron Throne:
I think it's more about internal morale. Get everyone thinking of themselves as part of Team Stag
Entertained Organizer:
except he doesn't exactly seem huge on boosting morale at any other point
Race for the Iron Throne:
I doubt Stannis made that call. That seems more like the Marketing Department's job.
Entertained Organizer:
I would unironically watch a show about a Westori marketing department
Race for the Iron Throne:
I would too.
Entertained Organizer:
Mad Men meets Game of Thrones, it will be the most critically loved show of all time
Race for the Iron Throne:
I don't think we're ready for that as a culture.
Race for the Iron Throne:
That might actually kill people.
Race for the Iron Throne:
FROM SHEER AWESOME.
Entertained Organizer:
see, I spitball all these spinoff ideas because eventually I will hit gold
Entertained Organizer:
murderous television gold
Race for the Iron Throne:
Anyway. The Hound is not a fan of water. And goes all Cersei on the wine. The Hound is unimpressed by Tyrion's "for King and Country" argument.
Entertained Organizer:
to be fair, so is everyone else which is why he has to come up with the best new St. Crispin's Day Speech
Race for the Iron Throne:
"Fuck the Kingsguard, fuck the city, fuck the King." CLEGANE OUT. drops the mike.
Entertained Organizer:
I almost feel a little bad for Joffrey watching that
Race for the Iron Throne:
He did look genuinely hurt.
Entertained Organizer:
but then I remember he's Joffrey
Race for the Iron Throne:
Yeah. So now Stannis' second wave shows up with the ram, and does the old upside boat trick.
Entertained Organizer:
it's a classic
Race for the Iron Throne:
Well-executed too. So now Tyrion is stuck with only Joffrey to work with. And Lancel picks the worst possible moment to turn up and tell him mommy is looking for him.
Entertained Organizer:
I'm pretty sure Joffrey would have bailed whenever Lancel showed up
Race for the Iron Throne:
It was just so naked, Lancel didn't even give him a reason, and he punked out anyway. Poderick Payne would make a better king.
Entertained Organizer:
I think literally every other character would make a better king
Race for the Iron Throne:
And Tyrion gets his Crispin's Day moment. Apparently Dinklage ad-libbed the saying "I'll lead the attack" twice.
Entertained Organizer:
that's because he's awesome
Race for the Iron Throne:
Entertained Organizer:
I want to point out that this speech is also basically "Team Smallfolk Unite!"
Race for the Iron Throne:
Yep. Tyrion = FDR. So Lancel yells at Cersei as she takes Drink #8 and she punches him straight in the arrow wound. And gets the hell out.
Entertained Organizer:
well she's got a kid to kill
Race for the Iron Throne:
But oddly not Joffrey. Bit of a continuity error there I think.
Entertained Organizer:
I think you are going to have to accept that show Cersei is different from book Cersei, show Cersei is pretty clearly aware that Joffrey is a monster
Race for the Iron Throne:
Right, but it's odd she doesn't follow up on her previous request. So Sansa spins politically, runs off, finds the doll her dad got here, and has a great scene with the Hound.
Entertained Organizer:
she should have gone with him
Race for the Iron Throne:
She thought Stannis was going to win. Better option than the drunken, obssessed psychotic. Maybe.
Entertained Organizer:
even if true, she's probably still better off with the Hound going north
Race for the Iron Throne:
And she had seen that folks running were getting captured and killed. I'm not saying it was the right move. But it wasn't without reasons.
Entertained Organizer:
ya, "go with scary crazy murder guy" isn't the most natural choice
Race for the Iron Throne:
So now Tyrion emerges from the tunnel and straight up chops a dude's leg off. The ram is torched, and the cheer of "HALFMAN” goes up. At this point, Tyrion really should have kept the helmet on.
Entertained Organizer:
it was an awesome cheer, he looked so happy for a moment
Race for the Iron Throne:
Yeah, and then the third wave of Stannis' men come charging straight for him. Meanwhile, up on the battlements, Stannis decapitates a guy. Top of head = gone.
Entertained Organizer:
that looked unpleasant
Race for the Iron Throne:
And then Tyrion gets face-slashed by Ser Mandon Moore. And was very very lucky Mandon botched the swing. However, if he'd had his helmet on...
Entertained Organizer:
he'd have a really bad headache from the blunt force trauma?
Race for the Iron Throne:
Better than potentially losing his head. Hence the reason why helmets were invented. Ok, now we get Cersei's storytime and is it weird that this scene freaked me out more than any of the various mutilation deaths we've seen so far?
Entertained Organizer:
no, it was really creepy
Race for the Iron Throne:
Stannis sees the cavalry literally arrive. And although it's really subtle, you can see one of them wearing Renly's armor. And Tyrion watches dazed, and falls unconscious...or is he?
Entertained Organizer:
wait, really?
Race for the Iron Throne:
Yeah. Loras was wearing Renly's armor. Very subtle horns on the helmet and Renly's poncho-wrap thing around the neck.
Entertained Organizer:
that is a nice touch, and I guess Loras has not completed the grieving process, it was a pretty nice reveal that the Tyrell's have teamed up with the Lannisters to play a game of "we're richer than everyone else"
Race for the Iron Throne:
Yeah. And Stannis literally has to be dragged off by his own men, screaming "stand and fight, damn you!" And in comes Tywin to save the day, the bastard.
Entertained Organizer:
why "the bastard"?
Race for the Iron Throne:
Because I hate the Lannisters?
Entertained Organizer:
fair enough
Race for the Iron Throne:
Cue the Nationals!
Entertained Organizer:
by that do you mean the really amazing sad version of the Rains of Castamere they played over the credits?
Race for the Iron Throne:
Yes.
Entertained Organizer:
any last thoughts?
Race for the Iron Throne:
Best episode of Game of Thrones. And possibly one of the best episodes of TV ever. In terms of the success of executing something that TV shows normally never do and most thought never could.
Entertained Organizer:
it was pretty great
Race for the Iron Throne:
Only 1 more to go!

2 comments:

  1. I believe the fat dude juggling apples was Ser Dontos (from the first scene of the first episode of s2)

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