Monday, May 28, 2012

Newt Gingrich is Proof We Live in the Evil Universe

The Evil Universe.  It pops up in various stories from time to time, and involves a parrallel world in which the good are evil and things have gone horribly wrong.  In Star Trek they call it the Mirror Universe, where the crew of the Starship Enterprise are conquerors instead of explorers and Spock has a goatee.  In comic books, it's Earth-3 where instead of Superman and the Justice League defending the world, it's Ultraman and the Crime Syndicate of America terrorizing it.  And in the real world, it's us.  Newt Gingrich proves it.  Let me explain.

The other day I was watching Hardball with Chris Matthew and he was interviewing Newt Gingrich.  And the conversation turned to Newt Gingrich's love of zoos:


More pictures of Gingrich with animals.
And it reminded me that Newt Gingrich legitimately loves animals (his only other redeeming quality is his fascination with space travel).  And it goes a lot farther than just taking cute pictures with animals and discussing with Chris Matthews which zoo is the best.  In fact, Newt Gingrich first became involved in politics when he was a teenager, trying to convince the Harrisburg, Pennsylvania City Council to build a zoo.  They said no and Newt Gingrich gave up on his dream to be the world's youngest zoologist  to instead become the man we all know and loathe today.

But it could have gone differently.  If there are parallel worlds out there, then there's one where Harrisburg built that zoo and Newt Gingrich never ended up in politics.  Instead he did become the world's youngest zoologist.  Rather than going to Congress to pass the Contract with America as Speaker, he'd go as a zoo director to lobby for more funds.  And instead of going on Chris Matthews to talk about his aborted Presidential campaign, he'd be hitting the late night circuit with a cadre of cute animals.  I honestly believe he'd be happier in that universe (I know I would be).

And if that Newt Gingrich is somewhere out there in the multiverse, one who exists solely to bring his joy and love of animals to millions, then our Newt Gingrich is his twisted evil doppelganger.  And that means this is the Evil Universe.  It explains a lot really.

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